my new fix

I woke up with the power out,
nothing something to shout about.
Ice has covered up my parents hands
don't have any dreams don't have any plans.

I went out into the night,
I went out to find some light.
Kids are swingin' from the power lines,
nobody's home, so nobody minds.

I woke up on the darkest night,
neighbors all were shoutin' that they found the light.
(We found the light)
Shadows jumpin' all over the walls
some of them big, some of them small.

I went out into the night.
I went out to pick a fight with anyone.
Light a candle for the kids,
Jesus Christ don't keep it hid!

Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo!

Ice has covered up my parents hands
don't have any dreams, don't have any plans.
Growin' up in some strange storm,
nobody's cold, nobody's warm.

I went out into the night,
I went out to find some light.
Kids are dyin' out in the snow,
look at them go, look at them go!

Woohoo!(3x) WOO! Woohoo!(3x)

And the power's out in the heart of man,
take it from your heart put in your hand.(hand)

What's the plan? What's the plan?

Is it a dream? Is it a lie?
I think I'll let you decide.
Just light a candle for the kids,
Jesus Christ don't keep it hid!

Cause nothin's hid, from us kids!
You ain't foolin' nobody with the lights out!

Woohoo!(2x)

And the power's out in the heart of man,
take it from your heart put in your hand.
And there's something wrong in the heart of man,
Take it from your heart and put it in your hand!
(hand!)(the lights out!)(hand!)(right now!)(hand!)

the sun & stars

 "There once was a sage who lived in a lonely temple high in the mountains. He was visited one day by a wandering monk. As the two were talking a wild animal roared close by, and the visiting monk, supposedly Enlightened, jumped. "I see it is still with you," said the sage...referring, of course, to the instinctive "passion" of fright. Shortly afterwards, while he was unobserved for a moment, the visiting monk inscribed the Chinese character for the Buddha on the rock the sage was accustomed to sit. When the sage returned to sit down he saw the sacred Name and hesitated to sit. "I see," said the wandering monk, "it is still with you!" ~ (Attributed to one of 1700 Ch'an and Buddhism related kung-ans of the Ching-tech'uan teng-lu compiled during the Ching-te Era. The oldest and most influential of the "Transmission of the Lamp" (teng-lu) texts. Compiled by Tao-yuan of the line of Fa-yen Wen I (885-958).)

 

 "My true self was never born, never ages and never dies. Yet to say that I will live for eternity is not true either, as it is utterly beyond time. Perhaps the closest thing would be to say that there is just this utterly unchanging moment, yet this also fails to hit the mark as it could imply that it is static which it is not. It is beyond static and moving. Thus before the world was, I AM. Not before the world, I was, but before the world, I AM." ~Anonymous

A few artists elicit wonder in me, Al Magnus is one of them.
One question: If all clouds had a rope attached to them, what would you do?

The usual 8am tomorrow! yay! Maybe I can steal a piece of the sun and store it for winter. For now, the stars are waiting. :)

oh xkcd!

Also, I have discovered that the answer is always Lupus! O.o

lightenin' bolts a glowin'

Me: "Sadie, ECG and EKG are the same thing right?"
Sadie: "Yup"
Dr. Jeff: "What's an ECG stand for?"
Me: Electrocardiogram
Dr. Jeff: "EEG?"
Me: Electroencephalogram, for brain activity.
Dr. Jeff: "EGG?"
Me: Electrogastrointestinogram?
Dr. Jeff: "Egg!!!"

Conclusion: Take advantage of gullible med students.

Today's muse: Wake Up by Arcade Fire

Somethin' filled up
my heart with nothin',
someone told me not to cry.

But now that I'm older,
my heart's colder,
and I can see that it's a lie.

Children wake up,
hold your mistake up,
before they turn the summer into dust.

If the children don't grow up,
our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We're just a million little gods causin' rain storms turnin' every good thing to
rust.

I guess we'll just have to adjust.

With my lightnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am goin' to be
when the reaper he reaches and touches my hand.

With my lightnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am goin’
With my lightnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am, go-go, where I am

You'd better look out below

boobies...?

	♫ Shiv: your neighbor is a girl. do you know what that means?  Me: no.  Shiv: It means you can stare at her boobs

swine flu

My first day in the hospital as a medical student presenting and making a real clinical diagnosis! AND I had a patient in respiratory isolation with swine flu! :) You might think "Only med students would be excited about swine flu..." but there are some virologists out there....

A brief note on procrastination...
amanda: just remember: A focused mind is one of the most powerful forces in the universe.
me: really?
what drug told u that?

*cough* my favorite nerds... :P

Carl Sagan, Stephen Hawkings, and Röyksopp!



Latest musical muse that I can ALMOST play on my guitar!

SPARTA

EDIT: This was designed my my fellow med student Austin Kerndt!!! OMG! I didn't even know! He came up to me and told me! And if you look carefully you can sort of kind of see his name on the top right corner! Also, he's in the picture with the *TUBA* on the right. Brilliant!!!!!! :)

xkcd

“The moment their arms spun freely in the air they were doomed for man has earned his right to hold this planet against all comers, by virtue of occasionally producing someone totally batshit insane.”

waiting till 30

amanda: you know it

me: i know everything

amanda: if you have any fault it's modesty

me: that's better than arrogance

amanda: this is true

although that was very sarcastic

me: haha, i know everything, remember?

amanda: that must be quite painful

me: just to my left eye

amanda: lol your knowledge is trying to OOZE OUT

like Reye's Syndrome

me: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

omg it's only 12am

amanda: only

me: knowledge shouldn't be oozing out...yet

amanda: I MUST KNOW

me: UNTIL IT OOZES

moto for studying: KNOW UNTIL IT OOZES
amanda: like a nasty P. acnes infection


:P

the mind is limitless

the inevitable

The day before my first ER shadowing experience as a part of EMIG (Emergency Medicine Interest Group) I went to ask my friend Meena, who had already had a couple experiences, what it was like. She honestly looked a little rattled. It had been the first time anybody in the EMIG had been asked to perform chest compressions, and the patient had passed away.

*speechless*

My visit that night was relatively uneventful. But my second visit, not so much so.

It started out quite calmly - the usual patient history, chief comlaint, labs, discussion with a million people on what it could be or how to treat it, staring at radiology images and frantically speaking with radiologists about masses and unexpected perfusions. We even had a young patient who was horrified by the prospect of her first visit to the ER so much so that she had severe tachycardia (elevated heart rate). I was also sent into a patients room all alone to determine a diagnosis all by myself, and I succeeded...it was jaundice. *hah* Not easy to miss. But my resident was proud of me. :) Not long after, the docs, residents, and I sat joking about an exam the residents had earlier that day.

My resident was supposed to switch shifts. I "handed myself over" to the next resident who would guide me with infallible efficiency throughout my last case of the night. A patient was wheeled in with chest pain (I can't share more details). I just stood in a corner watching information transferring from the EMT's to the attending physician. He was alert, and able to speak, except I noticed his head was very VERY pale. All of a sudden he lost consciousness. That did it for me.

I still remember saying to myself "OH my god! He's going to die! I'm not ready for this! Oh my god what if he dies right in front of me?! I've never seen ANYONE die before! He's dying!" I also still remember my body saying to itself "You need to leave this room, and go outside and sit down. You're light headed and the last thing the emergency team needs is a fainted first year medical student beside a dying patient. Hold onto the bench! Hold on to the bench! And don't lock your knees!"

Within the 5 minutes of flurry to regain balance, the patient had been stabilized, and surprisingly so did my mind..... for about ten minutes, after which CPR was begun. And I was called to do it. And I did. At 120 I got dizzy. He was a big man, and I was a little girl, watching the ECG reading blip up and down with each pump of his chest. There was nothing apart from that. Within 30 minutes of when his chest pain began, he had passed away.

I cried. I cried because I didn't feel anything. If anything, I felt inhuman. Was it the lack of personal contact? That it happened so fast? I will never know.

I said a little prayer as I left the room.

N.A.S.A.

NEW MUSIC ALERT!



This is probably going to be popular ALL OVER! But there are better songs! OH THE BETTER SONGS!!! :D

The People Tree:

Z-TRIP:
From the drop of blood, to bones and body parts
To vital organs, forming your brain and tiny heart
You'll feed to escape the birth until puberty finally starts
Adolescence, so don't, then your elderly body rocks
It was divine decree that begun the plan
But this disease be decreed by the sons of man
Don't try to leave with the guns in hand
Understand: God's the one in command

DAVID BYRNE (CHALI 2NA):
Did we climb out of the sea?
Where did we come from, you and me?
Two legs to walk, and as you see
I'm not a man I want to be
People growing, my backyard (I'm growing in my backyard)
In my garden, in my heart (I'm in your garden, I'm in your heart)
Pink and purple, red and blue (See all the colors?)
On this sunny afternoon (It's a sunny afternoon)

CHALI 2NA:
Back before time was time and space was space
The ever-present eye divine so laced with grace
Decided it was time to try to chase, to chase
But what it would design, now life is taking place
Within itself, divided; now it takes some space
And it can't be found alive, the mind creates the state
Of ego, now what's mine is mine
OK, now hate will reign until the blind have eyes and lay awake in wait

DAVID BYRNE (Z-TRIP):
How are the seeds in the ground?
How is my garden growing now?
A tender kiss, a little smile
The way a mother holds its child
Tasty little human beings (Tasty little human beings)
I grow them on the people tree (I grow them on the people tree)
I will eat them one by one (Eat them one by one)
If there's enough for everyone (Like you and you)

GIFT OF GAB [CHALI 2NA] (Z-TRIP):
Born in the ever-flowing life beyond the dirt
Tell me what the purpose is for creating the earth
(Maybe we created the planet as man's habitat
Be fruitful and multiply across the planet's back)
[Well, why does hate exist?
The war and AIDS and shit?
If we're to be fruitful, why can't poor people pay they rent?]
('Cause love and hate, both sides are conjoined
Physical forms have to deal with both sides of the coin)
[Why do we die?] (So you can live!)
[Why do we strive?] (So you can win!
But why did you defy every truthful word I recommend?)
My question back, why do you recommend an ode temptationing
(So I can test your patience and tolerance in the face of sin)
But why attest when you hold all the answers to the state we in?
(For you to bear witness of imperfections of mortal men)
[So it's a lesson?] (And a blessing
Journey back to where you been
'Cause before the treatment flurry seeds must first be planted in)

DAVID BYRNE (CHALI 2NA):
People growing, my backyard (I'm growing in my backyard)
In my garden, in my heart (I'm in your garden, I'm in your heart)
If you like my garden, you might like me (Look at all the colors!)
Underneath the people tree

the egg (sorry, no chicken)

I showed this image to my roommate, and this is what he had to say about it:


"It's like a hostage situation at a bank!" ~Mikey

Damn, that egg's effed.

Apart from that, school is kicking my butt. We have 6 exams in the next two weeks. *flail*

It's coo' tho. Whatev.

Apart from THAT...um, I sort of sat in at a seminar during one of my studying "breaks." *oops* It was a lecture on miRNA's by a professor from Stanford Medical School (Dr. Chen). I was fascinated by what he presented about how miRNA's are pretty much more important than a lot of other factors such as gene expression in regulating protein expression. I dunno how much you understand about all of this, but essentially miRNA's are capable of blocking the translation of proteins with the help of a RISC complex, pretty much RIGHT AS a protein could potentially be synthesized. It seems to me, and to Dr. Chen, and other prominent scientists *haha* that if gene expression of a protein is constant resulting in a constant/stable level of mRNA production, inhibition of translation by miRNA's has much greater potential of controlling the final protein output than anything else. In fact, increased miRNA levels have been shown to significantly block important phosphatases involved in the control of T cell receptor signaling in response to an antigen. Thereby, blockage of protein phosphorylation in the signaling cascade leads to gene expression for T cell proliferation and differentiation....to such an extent that numerous tumors have been shown to be induced in the presence of increased miRNA levels! *holy effs!* There was a lot more to be said about miRNA's, much of what I'm too lazy to decipher from the 5 pages of notes I took. But here's an animation I found that might be helpful to visualize what miRNA's do.

Anywho, I think I'm going to make attending such random seminar's "my thing." It utterly ROCKED my world! :D

QOD: "Just as we passed that other lamp I was going to tell you a further thing, Jack, but now I am parenthetically continuing with a new thought and by the time we reach the next I'll return to the original subject, agreed?" I certainly agreed - Kerouac, On the Road

it really looks like this...

When I saw the Milky Way, it looked exactly the same! *swoon*


And OOO! I found a beautiful poem! It's written by a governing member of the Adler Planetarium in Chicaga. I couldn't help but notice its relevance to the quote "We are a way for the Universe to know itself." More importantly, I couldn't help but notice the awe I felt as I read it, because it exactly sums up how I feel every time I look at the stars, or dream of them, or fly around in my purple spacejet surrounded by them. What can I say? I live vicariously through outer space. *oops* Not to mention, if I could think of a favorite mythical being (I know I love dragons by the Ananda Proxy), it would be the Phoenix. Alas, I'll save that discussion for another day, when I don't have an exam.

So relax, look up at the stars in your mind (because I know it's bitter cold outside), and enjoy. :)

Stargazer

Beneath the first of three stars in a row,
where lie the remnants of giants long dead,
I caught the light of a nebulous glow--
A glow that gave rise to an equine head.
So grand it seems that from this cosmic pair
of stellar nursery and stellar grave,
worlds will emerge, lit by a new star’s glare--
Phoenixes reborn from the lives they gave.
I pondered this cloud with great persistence
and found a glimmer of an answer long sought
to the question of our own existence.
By travel-weary photons I’ve been taught
that the cosmos created eyes in me
so it can gaze and have itself to see.

~Eric Francis Diaz

Copyright © 2001 Eric F. Diaz

a bit of enlightenment

The first momentous non-trail descent! O.o

amanda: gawd, i'm already tired of studying

me: you have NO IDEA how much i relate

i'm about to collapse

i've got piza in the oven

amanda: mmm pizza

Sent at 2:09 PM on Thursday

amanda: i just made a salad and some hard-boiled eyes
me: um..

eyes?

human eyes?

amanda: eggs

me: hhaaha

i'm bloggin' this
amanda: sometimes... i'd like to boil my eyes

usually close to test-taking time. Like now.

me: haha

mine are boiled already...want mine?

i bet they taste very spicy

amanda: lol probably

never settle

Every time I go home, to my home in India, I come back more alive than I had left. It takes a lot for that to happen, but it's as though my heart beats faster, more forcefully, more excitedly in my homeland. Just seeing Indian soil is enough to bring tears to my eyes. Fortunately (or unfortunately), this time fate endeavored to keep me away from any of my beloved window seats. One flight, I actually sat next to a window, except it was painted over. The point of having a window there...? Beats me. Not to mention the ~10 day flight delay battle mom and I fought. I'm not going to grace the havoc of airports and flights with more words.

I visited a lot of family members, and it's astounding how many of them will show up just to get a glimpse of you, to hold your hand, give you a hug after years of distance. I miss them a lot. And then there always the ones who saw me last when I was a 2 year old, and they'd point and say "Oh my GOD! You were *THIIIIIIS* (hand waving) little when I last saw you!!!" FO seriously. Am I supposed to remember them? *roll eyes* My best friend shed tears in the darkness at the elevator when I left. I laughed and told her not to cry, but cried myself when I got back. My brother has already called me numerous times.

This trip was different. I went trekking in the Himalaya's with my brother and uncle. Holy shit. Repeat: I went trekking in the HIMALAYA'S!!! No words could do justice to how beautiful it was. It was hard, but I just kept climbing. I just kept climbing. At one point we reached a clear patch of grass and I just lay down my feet pointed uphill and my eyes staring at an entire mountain range upside down. I laughed for a good 30 minutes staring at it all. Must have been the low oxygen content. :) It does things to my neurons. Moreover, I have never ever seen the colors turquoise and green like I did there. The moss on the trees appeared to glow, and the blue in the streams and rivers would never let my happiness rest. One highlight was when my brother (cousin) and I stopped to tie my shoelace a leaf fell down from the top of the mountainside and landed right next to my foot, almost like a welcome offering. Later along the route we found a bright red flower on the moss, and picked it up, only to forget it at a tree where we rested. It was almost like the mountains offered us a leaf, and we offered a flower in return. Ofcourse, this is me choosing to see significance in such moments.

When we reached our final campsite, Dhakuri, we were utterly exhausted. I swear, the last 1km was a descent, and holy shit, I could have sprained my ankle SO MANY TIMES because of the steepness of it. The locals literally run down it. I tried that, but failed due to my wuss-ass fear of tearing my lower limbs apart over the rocky terrain. The descent trail was literally one unstable stone after another, so much so that we didn't even take the trail but rather went straight down through the forests. Three hours later, we were eating the best food I have ever had in my life. They have magic in their hands! From what a city person would consider extremely simple food, the locals there could mould it into an amazing dish made over freshly chopped wood, such that you could taste the smoke...I know it sounds really weird, but it litereally changes the food - eg. it makes the bread sweet.

Anywho, I spent an awesome week up there. For once in my life...just being. Oh, and I saw the entire Milky Way. Fuck yeah!


I remember this comment and poem on a journal entry I wrote on my way back down:

"The locals say you have to have a pure heart to make it up. When I was there I believed it. Maybe a part of me still does. But no human is pure at heart. I think the trick was 'where there is a will, there is a way,' such that I willed myself into thinking I was pure at heart and worthy of the journey. How the mind fools the mind never fails to astound me. That is the challenge of life.

And we're stoned.
We're high tonight.
We're high above the ground tonight.
We're on a cliff tonight;
Stones on a cliff

Ready to fall
Towards gravity."

So I'm back where gravity resides. My feet are planted. And I've decided never to settle for anything less than the heights I know I can reach. And in all honestly, neither should you.

Happy New Year! :)

-"did you know you could perhaps kill somebody" -"yes but i want to do hoodrat stuff with my friends"

haha

oh heart, the things you do :)

the power of words

So you want to be a writer?

if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or
fame,
don't do it.
if you're doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don't do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
if you're trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-love.

the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

~Charles Bukowski

what can we do?

at their best, there is gentleness in Humanity.
some understanding and, at times, acts of
courage
but all in all it is a mass, a glob that doesn't
have too much.
it is like a large animal deep in sleep and
almost nothing can awaken it.
when activated it's best at brutality,
selfishness, unjust judgments, murder.

what can we do with it, this Humanity?

nothing.

avoid the thing as much as possible.
treat it as you would anything poisonous, vicious
and mindless.
but be careful. it has enacted laws to protect
itself from you.

it can kill you without cause.
and to escape it you must be subtle.
few escape.

it's up to you to figure a plan.

I have met nobody who has escaped.

I have met some of the great and
famous but they have not escaped
for they are only great and famous within
Humanity.

I have not escaped
but I have not failed in trying again and
again.

before my death I hope to obtain my
life.

~Charles Bukowski, from blank gun silencer - 1994

*tssss*

pwnage

me: i wouldn't trade it for the Universe
ananda: Universe: ......pwned.

"And something slow
Has started in me as
Shameless as an ocean and
Mirrored in devotion

...Sparks are swirling faster" ~TVotR

"we're howlin' forever"

"My mind has changed
My body's frame, but God I like it
My heart's aflame
My body's strained but God I like it" ~TVotR

ever feel like this..?

cyborgin' eet

*HAHA* enjoy....





p.s. the website pretty much spells out "cyborg" :P

Crawling Neutrophil

My buddy Emil sent me this, and I couldn't agree with it more...

I love you friends...for your wonderfully brilliant minds! <3

god is an astronaut

~best xkcd yet

I'm on a journey,
alone,
but not lonely.
As each second
becomes my past
I move forward-
ever closer to what
I seek,
ever farther from
where I am.
Enlightened are
the seconds of my future.

~me

time is relative

3 minutes and counting to the day of my official declaration as a "Medical School student." I've waited for this for so long.

making history

I watched Michael Phelps make history tonight with almost my ENTIRE CHM CLASS!!!!! We were all cheering "USA," absolutely ecstatic about every single lap the team took....all the way till he choked up and pseudo-cried...holy wows....WHAT AN AWESOME MOMENT! No words can describe what it felt like to be there.

I will seriously NEVER EVER forget it.

sexy Fry look

:D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to acquiesce

A long long time ago, *cough* high school actually, I used to do some cuhRAZY art. I think most of this was around the September 11 attacks. I just found a few:






This week is all about acquiescing to the explosion of packing at my house. This is what happened to my room...actually, below is the post-explosion. It's completely gone now! O.o

"God-ish"

3 hours.

Let me say that again, 3 HOURS!!!!!! :D

<3

p.s. Did you find an antonym yet?

...the landlord

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

July 1

Wow. It's the first of July already!

I'll be moving in a month! My first move away from a home I've known all my life. I'm scared shitless, but I'm also getting my feathers ready for flight. This life has just begun.

Hey World!

GET READY FOR ME!!!!!!!!

:D

Frisbeetarianism

The philosophy that when you die, your soul goes up on a roof and gets stuck. (George Carlin~UD)

You know how I always dream/dote upon going out into Space? I just realized, as someone inhabiting Earth, which is immersed in Space, I'm already there aren't I?!!

I'm just...too used to it, so I take it for granted. *sigh*

In that case, isn't Frisbeetarianism a valid belief? Is my soul really going to be stuck on the roof that is the Earth? Could I possibly imagine being limited forever to the specks of land that I've traveled for my entire life and possibly death/beyond? Damn, I should start a new religion:

Spacesauceruniversalfreedomnenlightenmentism!

What's yours? ;)

death is the road to awe

the stairway

I was at the park today, and I don't know why this image strikes me as "interesting" because both are technically a part of nature - one created by humans and the other by trees.
I also had an epiphany. In looking at the butterflies I wondered why I couldn't fly. I learned from Douglas Adams that flying was "learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." Gravity sometimes makes that a bit difficult.

But if I am a part of everything, I am also the butterflies. I realized I COULD fly. Correction...I do fly! I do photosynthesize. I am those brilliant geniuses, the beggars on the street, the trashed bottle of juice in sunlit grass, those beautiful white butterflies, and stomata on the leaves. I am gravity, and the lack thereof. That is exactly what I am...anything, everything, every body, and no body.

Sidenote:
Apparently, people are beginning to get married in space. One guy's reaction to this wonderful news:

"Okay, but do you have to go back up to get divorced?
Posted by: Hamy June 24, 2008 at 01:40 AM"

*haaha* :D

*getting in the sunrise*

the 2pm's

I woke up at 2p.m. today!!!!!!! :O

Jeez. I just looked at the clock and woke up with shock! But I had one of my tornado dreams again! :(

I'm in some city that my mind wants me to believe is the Zoo, except, apart from my house, nothing else looks familiar. At first, I'm at home with mom and dad, and I remember looking out at some terrace-like venue at 20 or so tornado's (they're pretty thin but fast swirling). I don't remember much more from that scene, but my parents and I get separated somehow, and I end up in the downtown area of the city with a whole bunch of random people. And there's tornado's literally EVERYWHERE...if I took a 360 degree turn, there would be 50 in each direction. Worst of all, it seems like the direction of street we're walking/running on leads to a conglomerate of newly-formed tornado's that end up becoming one MASSIVE tornado! By massive I mean GINORMOUS! I can see people get rattled/sucked up by smaller tornado's ahead of the big one right in front of me, so I decide to turn back. I end up running into a restaurant/pub which has a cellar. There's a young girl my age on top of a bunk bed (or something like it) and I sit with her. Pretty soon there's other young people joining me and her, all squished onto that small platform, and we sit and decide to play a board game (that's right, in the middle of a tornado passing over us). I don't know anyone, nor does it seem like there's anyone older than 30, or even 25, there. I remember wondering if my parents had the foresight to run into a restaurant's cellar like I did, and also recalling how upon my survival my dad would exclaim "You're a pretty smart girl, huh?!" (he often does this when I ASTOUND him with something he thinks I can't astound him with). When we ride it out, the next day we walk down the street and every single tree is uprooted, it's all gone...and the strangest thing of all, I remember seeing this railroad track on a long bridge crossing this street on which there are houses that move on tracks! And I think to myself "Man! I bet those rail-houses were effed!"

This time, probably the most intense feelings I had about this dream can be attributed to the sounds I heard of the tornado's. I ACTUALLY heard them sound like trains! It was the freakiest thing of all!!! I could probably pull a hundred analogies about what it all means...but damn, I'm clueless.

*sigh* Anywho, I woke up at 2p.m. I think my body's tired of waiting to get to med school. I think my mind is tired. Maybe my soul is too.

Sidenote:
Me: "There's a solar eclipse on August 1!"
John: "Wait, what happens during those?"
Me: "I think the Moon comes between the Sun and Earth."
John: "Nah, isn't that lunar eclipse? It could be Mars or something."
Me: "Mars is the 4th planet out John."
John: "No it isn't!"
*silence*
John: "Oh WAIT!!!!!"

:D *HAHA*

lately...

:)

on a post spree...

(Latest drawing - copyrighted!)

I saw the moon yesterday. It didn't look like a jewel, nor delicate. It looked real - a rock that's been hit and bears the scars, unhidden by the Sun's blinding light. It wasn't a smooth globe, but rather its edges suffered from shadows of vast craters and undulations of peaks. Even for me to imagine or compare its magnitude to where I stood was strangely intangible. But here's the irony - in all its cragged glory, I still admired it and watched blinded, in awe. It is the one object I could realistically see in such detail. I appreciated a true sense of perspective when looking at stars like Polaris, or other vague objects seemingly invisible to the naked eye in comparison to this bright mass hanging in a vacuum.

Why is it there? And why am I here?

There is a reason. THERE IS A REASON TO THE MADNESS OF ORDER!!!

*SOOO HAPPY*

This post, is wholeheartedly dedicated to my friend Chris, who just got accepted into Albert Einstein's College of Medicine (Yeshiva University)!!!!!!

Like holy crap. For those of you who don't know how EFFIN' GORGEOUS that school is, let me tell you...IT'S AMAZING!!!!! There used to be a time in my life where I just dreamed night after night of getting accepted there, to be immersed in the culture and populace that is the Bronx, and everything that comes with the host of experiences at AECOM. For me to even know someone who is going to be one of the greatest physicians EVER, much more, for me to have studied with, spent a good few hours writing letters of intent (*flail*), discuss our passions for medicine, and other wondrous moments of nerdiness ...is phenomenal!

He waited SOOOOO long for this moment! Congrats Chris! You waited SO patiently!

I AM SO PROUD! :D *beams*

electromagnetism

It's really interesting how far the human mind has come in regards to our perception/definition/belief that belies the term "God." Sometimes it seems our minds are SO convoluted and limited even when considering the most expansive theories, simply because our use of language to concretly describe sentiments and beliefs sometimes eludes us from self-enlightenment? Some things just aren't meant to be defined, or tagged, bagged, and owned. Right? O.o

According to Persinger,

God (n.): "When the right hemisphere of the brain, the seat of emotion, is
stimulated in the cerebral region presumed to control notions of self, and then
the left hemisphere, the seat of language, is called upon to make sense of this
nonexistent entity, the mind generates a "sensed presence."

"'Seeing God' is really just a soothing euphemism for the fleeting awareness of ourselves alone in the universe: a look in that existential mirror. The "sensed presence" - now easily generated by a machine pumping our brains with electromagnetic spirituality - is nothing but our exquisite and singular self, at one with the true solitude of our condition, deeply anxious. We're itching to get out of here, to escape this tired old environment with its frayed carpets, blasted furniture, and shabby old God. Time to move on and discover true divinity all over again."

I get lost in such conundrums often. :P It's mind boggling! And then I read such wonderful quotes by philosophers such as Rumi:

"Why should I seek? I am the same as He. His essence speaks through me.
I have been looking for myself!" :)

(To clarify, I'm not attacking any beliefs/religions but rather presenting a different point of view)

sometimes, this happens to me...O.*

I like to call it Broken Neuron Syndrome.

swimming in a green sea

I wrote this while sitting in my backyard today:
The moving blades of grass and undulating shadows of trees pushed by wind makes it look like an ocean - a sea of green over which I look, Godlike. This is how small I am. To think I reign this small sea that is my backyard shows me what truly is my immediate environment. I wonder why it's so difficult to imagine it - to grasp the completeness of the Universe. Then again, maybe this small green sea is quite magnificent. Maybe the part I reign contains just enough for my mind to completely know and pour my atoms into. The butterflies, insects, microbes, grains of soil and minerals, water, air, atoms and component quarks, everything my green sea contains - I AM. Every natural instinct of the squirrel treading the blades and shadows to get food or leave its mark, is my instinct. Ironic how once you begin to realize how "a part of everything" you are, it's impossible to break away.

Would I rather be separate, or would I prefer immersion?

Question: What would you prefer?

"PLUTOID?!!!!"

IS THIS FOR REAL?! Apparently,

"Now an IAU committee, meeting in Oslo, has suggested that small, nearly
spherical objects orbiting beyond Neptune should carry the "plutoid" tag. The IAU's Committee on Small Body Nomenclature has now decided that dwarf planets that move beyond Neptune should be placed in a new sub-category, the plutoid. " ~BBC

Remember that time I requested squirmy old men locked in a room need to quit deciding the fate of the Universe? I guess they need hearing aids! I think I'm just furious still that Pluto was demoted, and thus any reference of it feels like stoking coals to the fire in my heart. As IF it wasn't bad enough that it's a dwarf planet (*cough* NOT *cough*) they now demoralize it further by categorizing it with other LESSER MORTALS...i mean...LESSER PLANETS! There..I said it! Whatchu gonna do old men? Huh? Huuhhh?! HUUUHH??!

*looks of dare*

*HAHA* OMG I just saw this about Pluto's Fury.

the thangs...

... images of space do for me: (note: Sagittarius arm! :) )New Coworker: "Why are you so happy all the time?"
Me: *speechless*

What I SHOULD HAVE said:

Cook 1: "How can you be so cheerful? We've been on duty for 12 hours."

Cook 2: "I have a weak wall in a blood vessel at the base of my brain. If I get too stressed out, it could explode and kill me."

Cook 1: "*"

GO RED WINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOLY EFFS! They were MADE for it!

I'd say all my of-late hyperness is definitely well spent egging on the defiance of the Red Wings against some great teams they've played. I'm not saying they flew through it like a breeze - anything but! There have been SO many close calls and it just brings to light how I can't ever imagine how much strength, perseverance, and bloody talent it takes to get to the Stanley Cup Finals, much less WIN IT! Last night was SUPERB!!!! I've watched some of my best friends maul and get mauled out there in the rink, and one of them doesn't even wear a helmet (he's a daredevil this one)! When players don't wear their helmet ...I sort of freak out! I mean, I'll lay it out there...all the good ones are GOOD LOOKING...QUIT MESSING WITH THAT!

Aaaanywho. *shifty eyes* Fantastic season!!!! :D (but it doesn't end here)

I for one, seem to have NO coordination as of late. Last Sunday, I went running and sprained the CRAP out of my left ankle. Then, yesterday, I decided to take my bike around the citae ...and uh, ended up falling off it(don't ask how *more frantic shifty eyes*), and now I have a gargantuan stab wound on my palm. It was definitely one of those, "Oh shit, wtf is happening? JUST PRETEND LIKE YOU WANTED TO FALL OFF AND IT DOESN'T HURT, THEN SPEED THE HELL AWAY FROM THE SCENE" (which is what I did). O.o I just hope nobody saw me, b/c I'm thinking of running that same route soon and I don't want any "witnesses" going "LOOK! It's that girl who FELL OFF HER BIKE! *huh huh*"

So yeah. JOY! :) Can't live without it.

*edit*
John: "Sup, G?!"
Me: "G = Universal gravitational constant??"
John: "You dork"

INVULNERABLE

"I am the happiest (wo)man alive. I have that in me that can convert poverty to riches, adversity to prosperity, and I am more invulnerable than Achilles, fortune hath not one place to hit me."

~Thomas Browne, Relegio Media (1642)

dx/dt

*sigh* I miss deriving. :P

BUT HOMAN! I got to see Panic! At the Disco, Phantom Planet (SO AMAZING! <3), The Hush Sound, and Motion City Soundtrack (*cough* not a fan of the last one) this Saturday! Ofcourse, this DID mean getting effin' TRAMPLED and MAULED by 14-year old CRAZY FEMALE HUMANS. But fear not!..The Shruts had it under control. *rocks out*

Memorable lyrix by Panic:

"Things have changed for me, and that’s okay
I feel the same, I’m on my way, and I say
Things have changed for me, and that’s okay" ~The Green Gentleman

"If all our life is but a dream
Fantastic posing greed
Then we should feed our jewelry to the sea
For diamonds do appear to be
Just like broken glass to me

Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don’t you go down
You are at the top of my lungs
Drawn to the ones who never yawn" ~Northern Downpour

"They sang, so our matching legs are marching clocks
And we’re all too small to talk to god
Yes, we’re all too smart to talk to god
Oh, we’re all too smart to talk to god" ~Behind the Sea

knotice

So I know I haven't been the best at updating my blog this month. A LOT has happened! :D A lot of beautiful good things! For example...

I'M GOING TO MED SCHOOL!

At Michigan State University, College of Human Medicine. I cannot wait for this journey to begin. It's been so long since I've waited for this moment. Everything I have ever stood for during the past year had been shaken, and it seemed my entire foundation was uprooted on occasion. But in all of that commotion that was uncertainty, was the simple truth that everything in life is relative to your perspective. You shape what you see, what you feel, and what you become as a consequence of what you perceive..not just visually, but even subconsciously.

A wise professor once told me: "You are what you let your mind absorb."

In this very moment, I choose to absorb the wonderful uncertainty that is my future, the certainty that is my past, and the moment that is the present. In doing so, I choose to be who I am, true to myself.

I've written numerous poems these past few months, of which I'd like to share this one because of its relevance to this topic:

It feels like you're caught in a blaze
And staring at the fire.
As your eyes burn with fear,
Hatred and anger
All that was sanity
Brushed fire into straw
To make you go insane.

You're frozen forever-
Unable freedom
To speak, utter an emotion,
Live, breathe, or move.
Stiffled by the rigidity
That is the cold, you drown
Choking for warm air.

There is no warmth to lay
Solace to the cold
Nor water to calm the fire.
Here you stand broken,
Alone at a precipice-
Organic, molecular, atomic
And you are insignificant.

The fire, cold, warmth
Is relative.

~me (copyrighted)

i <3 UD

bad fuel day May 16

The mood or feeling one experiences after having just filled his or her vehicle with $4.00+ per gallon gasoline. (Usually consists of a sense of great economic despair, impending doom, anger, frustration, depression and/or a combination of all the above)

"Leave me alone. I'm having a bad fuel day!"

~Urbandictionary

The Prayer (is answered)

Lord, give me grace
And dancing feet
And the power to impress
Lord, give me grace
And dancing feet
Let me outshine the moon

Is it so wrong to crave recognition?
Second best
Runner up
Is it so wrong to want rewarding?
To want more than is given to you?
Than is given to you?

Tonight make me unstoppable
And I will charm, I will slice,
I will dazzle them with my wit
Tonight make me unstoppable
And I will charm, I will slice
I will dazzle I will outshine them all

Standing on the packed dance floor

Our bodies throb in time
Silent on the weekdays
Tonight I claim what’s mine

Is it so wrong to crave recognition?
Second best
Runner up
Is it so wrong to want rewarding?
To want more than is given to you?
Than is given to you?

Tonight make me unstoppable
And I will charm, I will slice,
I will dazzle them with my wit
Tonight make me unstoppable
And I will charm, I will slice
I will dazzle I will outshine them all

Tonight make me unstoppable
And I will charm, I will slice,
I will dazzle them with my wit
Tonight make me unstoppable
And i will charm, I will slice
I will dazzle I will outshine them all

nonexistance

This beautiful song is called Cityscape, by Paper Route:

All the light crawls into your window (It's starting to wake you up)
Painting your walls with moving shapes
Back in the corner there's a shadow
That you'd swear was a cityscape

Now the light fills your room and eyelids
Now the light pulls you from your dreams
Sleep is a guilty vicious liar
It's nothing more than short relief.

the things God says...

Me: "So how's God doing?" (Dr. E says he's God) :P
Dr. Essani: "Not so good, the economy's ruining my mood."

Dr. Essani: "You know, marriage is like adopting somebody."

Dr. Essani: "When you're asleep you're in the same state as being nonexistant."
Me: "No way! I'm in my dreams!"
Dr. Essani: "No, you're nowhere!"
Me: *BLOODY FASCINATED*

8:10pm Dan: Have you heard of the Cassini?
Me: *within one second* the spacecraft exploring saturn's moons?
Dan: yeah http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassini-Huygens
8:11pm Me: damn i'm good! *high fives self*

I seriously didn't know I was so passionate about space so as to recall satellite missions at a moments notice! It's amazing! It was almost like a subconscious automatic response. Sometimes...I spend more than a few minutes remembering how much my tiny brain can handle. O.o

Extra Tidbit: :)

Katedra

My favorite animation of all time:



It almost makes me allegorize the Cathedral for the human body/mind. But it's strange...Ironically, every time I see the animation, and when the man becomes the pillar I feel free, when that's clearly not what's happening. A part of me feels like in becoming a part of the Cathedral he realizes his place/oneness with everything. That although he may have been a free-living, moving, and acting entity he was composed of nothing more than the dirt that composes the pillars.

And I have NO CLUE if any of that made any sort of sense! :P

This week has been SOO TREMENDOUSLY awesome! :D I traveled so much that my head's spinning! Along with the rest of me! I seriously, SERIOUSLY do not envision my future in life without traveling. It's what I live, and breathe for. I just wrote this, on a whim, ...again! :P

Feet,
Take me there.

Eyes,
Show me the Universe

Mind,
Feel freedom.

*copyrighted* :)

"Stay hungry, stay foolish."

Only then can you grow! :)

an animated war! 2! :)

So, a while ago I had posted an animation called Animator vs Animation...and there's a Version 2 out now! :O


Animator vs. Animation II by *alanbecker on deviantART

:P