Wow, I had a major lapse of spoken wordage yesterday. I said the wierdest stuff, and it just floweth out of my mouth! Its because of the massive pimple I tell ye! Somehow, I managed to claim that I was five and a half inches tall, which I wish I were, since that would increase my understanding of the 'lesser' world. ;) No kidding, when I was little, in boarding school in India, we had this HUGE field out back, where we practiced for heats. And every morning while picking up eucalyptus leaves to clear the field, my friends and I would imagine a whole world of tiny gypsies in the grass! And apparently, if you actually saw one you could wish for something and it would come true. O how I wished and wished and wished that I saw one! I think it would be incredibly cool to 'get down' and dirty with the smaller creatures of life. I think its fascinating.
In fact, the Cyborg introduced me to this awesome new game called 'The Spore' of which I got to see a frikkin' AWESOME preview. Dudes! You start out a cell, a phagic cell that competes with others for food and survival, and then move up to higher levels by slowly becoming an entire organism. But wait, it gets even better, first off you can control whatever kind of organism you want! And there are sooo many possibilities! Then once the organism is self sustaining, you become in charge of an entire colony of that organism, and eventually a city, a planet, a solar system...all the way up to the Universe!!!!!!!!!!! *excitement eeks* I cannot WAIT to blow up other peoples planets! I can't wait to get my hands on it and beat my fellow nerds at it! Actually, I think almost anyone and everyone would enjoy it, simply because its so violently yet realistically educational!
On another note, I'm supposedly going to get beaten up if I don't go into MD-PhD. *looks around* *quivers*
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
DUDES!!! THE SEMESTER HATH ENDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *shrieks reverberating across the world*
WOA..I SERIOUSLY think I ACED that last Quant final..let me rephrase..super-aced! like...a 100%!!!!!!!! :o I'm a tad worried about physics, and oops, I didn't realize an A in there was above a 95% until the day of the final. *naive guilty look* And thus far I've got around 90% on all my tests, hopefully *crosses fingers* by some magical intervention, perhaps of the noodly appendage of the FSM, I can get an A. *prays-Dear FSM, could you PLEASE touch my physics final and make it like 100% and give me an A?*
Its been a ridiculously sleepless past two weeks. O man, I found out about that whole not being able to pay for my last year here on Wed. last week, freaked out about that all day Thursday, had my stipend report due Friday and paper cut my finger on it...and the blood subsequently flowed all over my Quant Exam 3 that same day, MCATs were on Saturday, the very day after that mess. Went home, slept at 5:30 till 11:00am the next morning, freaked out about my Pathology and Biochem finals for Monday (made an o-so-gohgeous poster), then spent all day & night cramming for a physics final on Wed, then spend the rest of Wed-day and night studying for Quant, which was today. And now I'll spend all night writing my proposal extension, which is due tomorrow. *pause* Thats AFTER I FRIKKIN' PAHTAE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, it has been tough. Exhaustiing. For the first time, I truly recognize myself as an official part of life. Until now it was just, o, school school school, friends friends friends. Now its...LIVE LIVE LIVE! *eesh* I'm so tired. All I want to do is go back to my home in India for a week, watch some more cool cancer surgeries, be amazed and inspired, and return to live another 10 million years of life. But its cool. Its so cool that I understand how tough life truly is. I've come to a whole new understanding about true friendship, about true effort and understanding in my classes, and most of all, about how awesome my family and lab mates are, all in the past 6 months! I don't know how I could live my life any differently. Dude..its awesome! *pictures Crush from Finding Nemo*
Anywho, one of my friends is in a philosophy class, and his final exam was simply this:
And he answered: "Why not?"
And he got an A!!!!
And I've heard rumors about this before, but didn't realize it could actually be true. And he's like a genius! No kidding..if it were me, I'd go into this humongiferous conversation about WHY?!!!! Why is life the way it is? Why am I here? Why do we need to know? Why do we live when we do so much damage to this earth? Why? Pages and pages, on and on. Thats me. heh.
I shall depart with this: (in class before pathology exam)
Me: "Hey, you have any gum on you?"
Erin: "Yup" *hands me Trident gum*
Me: "I've heard that chewing gum or pepperming before a stressful situation makes you think better"
Erin: "Well yea, if your jaw is moving your brain must be doing SOMETHING!"
Posted by shruts at 3:52 PM
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Friday, April 21, 2006
Woa dudes, allergy season has most definitely started. And my Allegra prescription had most definitely ended. Today, I spent a majority of the time with my tissue friends...sneezing. *ech*
So I went to Sindecuse to get it refilled but found out that I'd only get an appointment 6 hours later..and my allergies were so frikkin' aweful that I HAD to do something about it before I passed out of massive sinus inflammation and congestion! So I got some Claritin..dudes, it doth NOT work!!! At least for me. I still sneezed, runny nosed, and itched my eye balls out! Man! Its bad for me. And my allergies are really really strange in that they only start bothering me as soon as I get indoors...but when I'm outside I'm fine, and can breathe a lot easier. Maybe its an outdoor trigger that only affects me when I get indoors as in a delayed response. Or maybe its just indoor allergies..but why does it not bother me during the winter if that is so? Anywho, I went to Sindecuse again to get the refill, and ended up with an Indian doctor..what are the odds? heh. And it astounds me how doctors can only spend 10 minutes with their patients! OMG!!! What kind of care is that? Are we not supposed to help patients the best way possible? WHY can we NOT spend more time with our patients to FULLY help them out? WHY? Why are we so limited to do our job the best way possible? Isn't that what we set out to do..to help those in need the best possible way? *eesh* Well, after checking my sinuses and flippin' out about how my sinuses DEFINITELY showed an allergic response he prescribed me a refill..and I scurried down the maze of hallways to the prescription desk. Well, who else would I find there? The lady at the front desk goes "Sorry Amanda, you're going to have to come up here." I cannot tell you how excited I was to hear that name! O man! I think I was salivating! *haha* ;) No..I was pretty excited though. And Amanda coolly comes walking down looking around surrounded by a daze of drugs..until her eyes finally land on me and her expression was unforgettable! Like.."woa..how's SHE end up here?" *shocks* It was a great moment. A holy moment.
On another note, MCATs are tomorrow. *major shifty eyes* I don't really care. Fine, say what you want. I don't care. Simply because I don't care how well or bad I do on this one. I'm only being honest. I know what my potential is. And I know I had already set my sights on the August MCAT to do my very best, no matter what the circumstance. So I'm not worried. But what I am worried about is a major decision in my life. Dr. Stapleton has been really trying to convince me to pursue the MD-PhD program than just the MD. Its really competitive, not to mention it would totally fund my entire med school education! Thats the biggest thing. The only strange thing about MD-PhD is that those with such degrees end up teaching, or becoming the head of a hospital. Meaning that 75% of their time is spent on research/ teaching, and only about 10% on clinical aspects of their degree. That sucks. Majorly! I mean, I LOVE to teach..you should see me! I LOVE to share knowledge and enlighten the world with my epiphanies. But I don't want to sacrifice that love for a greater one, which is to pursue a surgical profession..to just experience that fully! I WANT surgery to be THE MAJOR part of my life, and research secondary, no matter HOW MUCH I LOVE IT! I LOVE them both!!! Unfortunatley, I just cannot define and decide which one I must sacrifice for my future. And every other person tells me a different thing. And now, I'm really confused. *looks dazed*
Posted by shruts at 5:45 PM
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Monday, April 17, 2006
Yo yo! Man, I learned all about HIV today!!! *excitement eeks* (who's the nerd? *shifty eyes*)
Its amazing. Its the truth. The more you know about immunology, the less hopeful you become about a possible cure. The less you know about immunology, the more hopeful you are. HIV is 'incredible.' Yup, you know what I mean, just like Sartre is 'incredible!' Its incredible that something that small, yet so complexly simple is capable of mediating so many responses, so many advantages to its survival. Everything our body does to protect us, it takes advantage of to kill us even more.
Essentially, the HIV virus uses CD4 T helper cell receptors and chemokine coreceptors to invade CD4 T helper cells. These helper cells are responsible for identifying and presenting a foreign molecule (antigen) to the B cells and cytotoxic T cells, which produce antibodies that mediate the killing of that foreign molecule. So if the virus gets into the T helper cells, any bacterial or other viral infection cannot be completely presented for an immune response against it. Basically, any such opportunistic pathogen can invade the host and kill it via infection. But the even more surprising thing about HIV is that even macrophages have the CD4 receptors and chemokine coreceptors on them. So, when a macrophage comes happily along to kill the already mutilated T cell, it gets the virus in it too! But even worse, is that the macrophage can cross the Blood Brain Barrier...OOOO..seriously! And so the virus ends up in your brain, your neurons..EVERYWHERE! Even worse, the macrophages and T cells that are damaged induce more and more cytokine and chemokine production (the immune system communicators) which brings more T cells to the infected T cell/macrophage. Normally, this is a good thing, as more macrophages at a site of infection means that site can be better repaired. But no, the HIV totally uses this to get ahold of more and more T cells and macrophages..and its basically the end of the world from there! About 1 person in 100 has HIV (some don't even know it).
Plus, there's a new strain in New York that is completely resistant to any type of drug (that usually target the reverse transcriptase or proteases of HIV)...if such a mutant HIV carrier is given AZT, a potent reverse transcriptase inhibitor, that person will develop resistance to AZT in three days..and there's nothing that can be done to save that person thereafter. Its only about time that such a situation becomes a full blown world wide reality. A slap in the face that the only thing we can really 'win' in the war of survival of the fittest isn't that we'll live forever, rather just live enough to spawn a new generation. But the trick is, it doesn't only apply to us. It applies to all living things on earth. And they're doing whatever they can, just as we think we are, to ensure their survival. Its just so darn scary, because its real, and not many people appreciate it for what it truly is. Its kind of like cancer, there's too many factors, that its impossible to claim that a cure is possible, because these factors are simply constantly changing under the laws of evolution.
Speaking of which, I totally saw evolution taking place today. Imagine the slow-going mellow Dr. Huffman evolving into a full blown sprint towards Haenicke ..no kidding. It was AWESOME! I'm going to miss the dudes in Biochem. My homies, my gangsta protectors. Ya man, you mess wid' me..you mess wid' 'dem! So watch out! *kapow*
Posted by shruts at 8:07 PM
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Friday, April 14, 2006
Life is seriously interesting. Very. I'm amazed.
I could be slapping myself on the face in front of my friend and die laughing from doing so, and the next minute find out that the tuition remission I was receiving thus far from my dad being a professor doesn't apply to me anymore because i HAD to be an overachiever and fulfill the 130 credit hours before everyone else because i have three frikkin' majors!!!!!!!!!! And for good reason that I have a Biomedical Sciences, Chemistry, and Spanish major simply because I want to be a doctor, and these majors will really help me out in medical school! And now, I can't pay for my senior year in college ($9000). Is that what it comes down to? Does it come down to someone wanting to achieve their dream but not being able to fulfill it because of financial trouble? Have I sacrificed this much time and money on all these majors only to have to drop some of them? NO..I DO NOT want to give them up. I am NOT going to.
I've run around all across campus, the Biological Sciences department, Spanish department, and Honors college just begging, PLEADING to help me out with some scholarships. The problem?..well, until now, I didn't 'qualify' for them because I wasn't a US citizen yet, but now that I am a permanent resident, I simply cannot apply now because its too late. And there is no possible way on earth that I can fund my last year of education here. I mean, thats the reason I came here in the first place is that my dad's status as a prof could help me out. But we absolutely did not know that it applied only ffor 130 credit hours and no further. Fortunately 20 of those will be compensated for by my AP credits from high school, so atleast I can pay for my summer courses. But what do I do after that? How does everyone else do this?
I am a good student. I am an excellent student. I love what I do. I love what I want to do. I want it so badly, and I know I have sacrificed soo much to pursue my dream here, but why should something financial like this limit me from doing so? Why do I have to find out that i'm getting a Biological Sciences award and the next that it really might not even matter because I might not even be able to complete my studies here!
I need to find a job. MCATs are coming up April 22.
Posted by shruts at 10:37 AM
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
*hahahaha*..Slashdot: "The New York Times discusses the new Emmy category 'for outstanding original programming for computers, cellphones and other hand-held devices, including the video iPod.' The nominees include 24: Conspiracy, Sophie Chase, and It's JerryTime!." O man, how far are we going to go with this whole technology thing?!!! We should remember, cell phones cause CANCER on the side of the brain where the cell phone is most used!!! (hit me if you want to get into a deep discussion of ALL the pathways that could possibly cause it ;) )
Posted by shruts at 10:13 AM
Friday, April 07, 2006
Hmm..I lost my iPod charger yesterday. I sat at the library and charged it at one of their computers. I had a physics test right after and probably just like ran out. Took my physics test, and after about 8 hours I realized that I should probably charge my iPod. Well, it wasn't in any of my backpack pockets, nor my purse. *FREAK OUT* Heart races, I panic. I'm in the middle of my experiment, sweating like a pig that I lost my iPod charger. I'm shaking. Literally. I'm just like, ok just get done with this, just FINISH! I called the library at their lost and found...um, the dude runs down and checks some computers for me and is like, 'it isn't there.' I pause. I gracefully thank him and then curse a million times as I put the phone down.*&^D%$%$#D%#@# I seriously hope he didn't hear me.
So this morning I check my physics classroom, check lab again, and I walk down every single stair I thought I had climbed yesterday. And went into every bathroom imaginable..I hadn't realized how enormous a role bathrooms play in our lives! I basically just walked down every single sidewalk in Western staring at everything and anything white...chewing gum, shoes, shirts. Ya, if you passed me, you'd get the 'you got white on you?' stare. I crossed my fingers as I entered the library and said a small prayer, again, what is UP with the whole 'prayer in distress' thing?! Well, it worked. :)
I found it, right there..at the same computer..someone was working on it too. I'm sooooo HAPPY that nobody took it! I said a silent thank-you to all the people who had used that computer and had not even touched it (and ofcourse cursed at the dude that said it wasn't there and freaked me out!) One day, this one dude in my Quant class just like walked in with this sweet little digital camera, it even shot video. And apparently he found it at some party, and knew who it kind of belonged to but decided to keep it. I mean WHO DOES THAT?!!! That's just wicked..but thats honestly life. Thank you to all such people out there who respect others property. Truly. You do not understand how much a person is relieved to find something valuable like that. Especially people like me who seriously either break, magically make disfunctional, or loose their most important technological properties.
Seriously, I have a HUGE tendency to break things related to technology when I first get them. I remember when I was in 8th grade my dad got me this super-awesome Minolta camera at Amsterdam. I loved that thing. So when I went back to India, I obviously wanted to take pictures..and I really really wanted on of my grandma. So I stood up on the desk, and unfortunately stood too close to the edge..well, you know what happened. I FELL. *CRASH*..o no, everyone was not even worried about me. I think I sprained my ankle. No...they were worried about the SERIOUSLY million trillion pieces of the lens EVERYWHERE across the room!!!!! :o I got yelled at sooooo much! We sent it back for repairs, honestly, it was BEYOND REPAIR!!! So they sent us a totally new Minolta..which to this day I cherish with my heart. I try not to stand on tables now. And when my dad got his computer, everytime I sat at it it would hang. No kidding. The minute i'd call my dad it'd start magically working. What is wrong with me? :%
I currently am still looking for my cell phone charger. Me: stares at you: 'you got black on you?' Ya, I'm bad. I mean...baaaad. ;)
Posted by shruts at 12:31 PM
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
um..slashdot, my mahvelous scientific news god, says that they've found a gigantic cloud of methanol out there somewhere(in our milky way)..eh..isn't that like ORGANIC MATTER IN SPACE!!! It just astounds me how many possibilities/explanations there are of how life on earth began. And we humans think we know it all..not. I mean, ok fine, it could have been god's 7-day creation, or RNA magic, or the spagetti-monster with his 'noodly appendage.'
Speaking of gods and heavens...one of my favorite chemistry professors, Dr. Perkovic, passed away this past Saturday. I cried. He seemed to be the only professor who truly understood my background, and had soo much faith in my future. He awarded me with a freshman chemistry award, and also introduced me to Dr. Stapleton. He was so funny, so cheerful, and so kind. I can't believe it really. Its the first time someone who I actually saw pretty often and talked with all the time blocking up hallways to talk about indian food is gone. Thus far, all the deaths that have occured have been physically far away, in that when my grandpa's passed they were in India and I was here. Only when I went back there did it hit me, hard. But this is the first time its that close. And I just spoke to Dr. Perkovic last week..and he asked me, "hello Mr. Hexane" who is apparently some stranger who writes 'Mr. Hexane says hi' on the board in front of his office. He thought only I could be nerdy enough to do so, (apparently not) and thought it was me. Everyone else I talk to seems indifferent, or seems not to know how much he really mattered to me. He was going to be one of the people who wrote my letters of reference for med school, and i was supposed to cure him when I became a world-famous surgeon for free. It was my promise. I will keep that promise. I will. I will miss him. But I have to let him go. He was a very kind friend. A very kind teacher. (he loved sailing)
Its really strange..whenever I do an experiment, I imagine him standing there just making fun of my pipetting skills. *giggles*
I hope ya'll say a prayer for him...woa, isn't it strange that its times like these when I believe in god. Times when I'm in trouble or pain..when I'm like "God, forgive me for not believing you these past few months. I believe right now. I might not in a few weeks..so sorry. But could you please help me out...?"
Posted by shruts at 9:54 AM