lymphangioleiomyomatosis

Ok, so obviously best friends think alike. I have a ginormous exam on the kidneys and urogenital tract tomorrow morning at 7:30am. So what am I doing instead? Bloggin' ofcourse! *skip*



I think the world should see some keywords that are supposedly "easy" to remember, so here is a fun *FUN* (enter sarcasm) list:

tram track
intimal thickening
basket weave
wireloop
spikes
subepithelial humps
mesangial immune complexes
thin cortex
fibrin strands
effacement of podocytes
crescents
ribbon like
linear
granular
collapsing variant
flea bitten kidney
onion skinning
acute suppurative inflammation
papillary necrosis (differences?)
calyces damage
fibrinoid necrosis
tubular atrophy and diffuse interstitial fibrosis
osteoblastic lesions
U shaped depressions?  (shruti can you remind me of what this was?  chronic pyelonephritis?)
nephrogenic rest

I would love to hear what you make of it...

Also, this was a random conversation I had with myself:
i wish i were as smart as my kidneys...
kid - ney
ki -dney
k-idney
kidn-ey-ay?

Last week I got to participate in an Ultrasound Clinic - I got to see that:
1. I may not have a right kidney (we couldn't find it)
2. My uterus may be slightly misaligned
3. My heart is as big as a ping pong ball - aka. extremely tiny! OMG - it was like a butterfly fluttering! :)
Overall, I would say that was my favorite experience this year, so far (it's January though so I shouldn't limit myself eh?).

Last, but not least, I applied for a bunch of scholarships. *crossed fingers & toes*

p.s. For those of you who eat hot dogs -->

what falls...

what falls on the side
of my soul

"i wanna speak at an intimate decibel
with the precision of an infinite decimal,
to listen up and send back a true echo
of something forever felt but never heard
i want that sharpened steel of truth in every word" ~Why?

"September.

October.

November.

December.

January.

Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me." ~New Moon

2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

stay hungry. stay foolish.

~Bill Gates

I still remember the beginning of 2009. I was in the Himalayas. I didn't even know when it happened. *heh* Gorgeous mountains have that effect on time. I recently found this in my diary; it was a quote I scribbled - I have no recollection where I found it. But here it is, in all its vain glory:

"My true self was never born, never ages and never dies. Yet to say that I will live for eternity is not true either, as it is utterly beyond time. Perhaps the closest thing would be to say that there is just this utterly unchanging moment, yet this also fails to hit the mark as it could imply that it is static which it is not. It is beyond static and moving. Thus before the world was, I AM. Not before the world, I was, but before the world, I AM."

the difference

On my way back from Houston, I met a psych doctor who was sitting next to me on the airplane. I asked him what the difference was between animals and humans.

He said: "The ability to cheat."

fear

aaah! t-16 days. I feel old, and feeble.

mEEEooow

agua

Trueism!

I'm kind of scared dudes. What are we going to do with our new found knowledge of water on the Moon? A lot of scientists are excited at the prospects of utilizing it to power rocket fuel production or having a "base" on the Moon from which we can advance explorations elsewhere (convert it to hydrogen gas powered propulsion systems). Others have hypothesized colonization, and direct utilization to counter what we've done to our sources of water on Earth. I'm sure atleast for the next few years we will just investigate what's available and what it means, but great discoveries bring great power.

And as Uncle Ben would say: "With great power comes great responsibility."

as the stars burn, heal

I remember sleeping in my backyard for nights in a row in my sleeping bag watching meteor showers. I'd think of them as God throwing burnt ideas on rough paper at us - and I would wonder what they might have said.

It's time I fell in love with stars again. It's ironic that their fall uplifts me.

I've been so engrossed in the Microscopic Universe that sometimes I forget how I'm a tiny, itty bitty speck in The Big One. Just today, a few moments ago, NASA announced the presence of WATER on the Moon! OUR MOON!

Why did this take so long?!

We've been searching Mars, and other extraterrestrial planets hundreds of light years away using sophisticated technology that for so long not once did we think to point our minds towards the closest celestial body to our own. In fact, even when we went up there and brought back the infamous "moon rocks" (for those of you who don't believe we landed - fuck you) analysis revealed no significant findings. But just because we landed on some obscure spot and scraped off superficial dirt should not have ensued in a definitive end to our explorations. I am incredibly proud of India - just the contribution that was made to such a significant finding, and the thought process behind how cold sinks could act as condensation spots for water.

I can't wait for all the havoc future results might wreak. I say - bring it. It's about time our sky held the spotlight.

"In the Full moon's light i listen to the sea,
And in between the silence, hear you calling me,
But i don't know where i am,
And i don't trust who I fear,
But If i dont wanna, will i hear them leave?
Ooh, ooh" ~Full Moon, The Black Ghosts

cruisin'

*imagine drunk hispanic patient in ER hallway in handcuffs*: "-ey! ooo hell' me? UOO HELL' ME?! FUCK U BEACHEZ! EY YOU! U HELL' ME?"
Doc: "He's got a baaad case of Jail-itis"

*overheard*
Dude: "This one food package said 'Whore Foods!'"

Nurse: "I need lotion. I'm feeling some personal dryness"
Doc: "OKAY there. Little too much info."

pancakes & chocolate chip banana bread

Yay I have awesome things to discuss...finally. Great thoughts that need to be discussed happen when one needs to procrastinate amidst the most difficult domain we're learning...aka. heme/onc.

1. For those of you who ask me "What's med school like?" this article sums it ALL. This is how I eat, breathe, sleep, and survive med school. And yes, it involves a lot of sugar, and if you're Indian, a significant amount of spice. So next time you see me, don't ask! (Also note, my mom commented on the article as "med students mom" - its kind of cute)

 http://rumorsweretrue.wordpress.com/2006/11/01/pancakes-every-morning/

2. In honor of not freaking out about med school, I made my first EVER baked american or any-can dish today. Behold, the amazing chocolate chip banana bread! *insert voila music*

3. I went to the National Interim AMA Meeting, which was in Houston this year. Lemme tell ya - ain' NOTHIN' thurr. Seriously, I know we did not have any time to hang out and do fun things in the city at all, but apart from the gorgeous skyscrapers there's not a SINGLE person on the streets! wtf?!  Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING closes at 1:30p.m. on weekdays. My friend Paul and I went to a cafe to study and they closed at 4p.m. and we were the only customers they've probably had in decades. I'm telling you - the city is immaculate, spotless, uses a ton of Spray N' Wash or something...it's beautiful, but ain' no peeps. I thought it was strange. We think it might be inhabited by zombies - except nobody "reappears" at night either.

Except for one interesting incident perhaps - Liz and I woke up to bagpipes at our hotel...walked downstairs to find there was an Irish-Indian wedding going on *cue throng of overly dressed Indians and two dudes wearing checkered skirts playing bagpipes.* Amazing. My favorite part was going up and down the elevator to the 30th floor, crapping my pants and staying as FAR AWAY from the glass window overlooking other scary skyscrapers when I got up there. I think each time I went up and down there was some sort of mathematical proof that was written into the Math Law Book (which I hereby declare an official publication):  my confidence and self-image exponentially increased as I got closer to the ground.

I did enjoy a few gorgeous sunsets though. I'll be honest - the picture does not do the moment justice. It was priceless.

4. My friend Casey hadn't seen me in a while and asked me "What do you collect?" I looked around and thought and thought and thought. I'm sure I mumbled some wondrous excuse for an answer but the truth is ever since I was a kid who collected stamps, and stones, and shells, I haven't really done much other than collect bits and pieces of information that rarely define who I truly am. Which got me thinking....Who am I...truly? (We'll save the answer for a future moment of procrastination)

5. Why is light overrated? Why is darkness stereotyped as bad, evil, scary? If anything, a majority (I think 60%?) of outer space is unoccupied by light. Morever, what do we see when we close our eyes? Mostly - darkness (I know, our mind chooses to see otherwise). But WHOA! Darkness is so powerful. Who says it could be trumped by light? And it's not fair to say that darkness exists to do light justice - you can't just appreciate darkness because it makes one appreciate the existence of light even more. In doing so the definition of darkness is slightly discounted under that of light. So I question human definition - Why is darkness not holy just as much as light? Is darkness not the moment when you find yourself without the help of your visual definitions - when you define your place in a space defined by your mind? My point is that the lack of "light" be it physically, mentally, emotionally should not be feared, but rather embraced. It hones the ability of the mind to accept different realities - in turn helping shape how we interact when a different one is presented in the presence of light. I hope you get that this is a giant metaphor.

 If not...got pancakes?

medicine

aka. laughter

the prophet

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

All these things shall love do unto you
that you may know the secrets of your heart,
and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only
love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing floor,
Into the seasonless world where you
shall laugh, but not all of your laughter,
and weep, but not all of your tears.

~Khalil Gibran

a cat named AIDS

Shiv: What if someone named their pet Lupus?
Joe: Or any other disease - "Here Duchenne"
Me: I had a friend whose cat was named AIDS
Joe: (after a lot of laughter) That's our new band name. "A cat named AIDS"

p.s. Watch out for our talents. *cough*

oh when i wake up these days
i feel i'm gonna die
nothing makes my soul feel alright
there's no comfort in my life

oh how i loved you so
guess how i loved you so
i had to let you go

oh how i wish i was dreaming
cause i feel i can't survive
the nightmares fill my mind
i always wake up screaming

oh how i loved you so
but i had to let you go
oh i how i loved you so
i just thought i should let you know

oh how i loved you so
but i had to let you go

oh like this dying season
i had to let you go
oh like this dying season
i had to let you go
i had to let you go

~Untitled hidden track, The Album Leaf

in honor of my nerdy friends

"We are a way for the cosmos to know itself" ~Carl Sagan

mythical wolf

Shiv: "You know 'lupus' means wolf? I had my gmail status message set to 'lupus, the myTHIcal wolf.'"
Me: "You mean Lupin? Like in Harry Potter?"
Shiv: "Is he a wolf?"
Me: "Yeah! He's a WEREWOLF! That makes me appreciate Harry Potter SO much more!"
Shiv: "WOW...that impresses you? Not the fact that Lupus devours tissues like a wolf?!"

Shiv: "OoOoooooOOOh! the COSMIC SOUND OF TRUTH! I'm going to make one....The Cosmic Sound of Lupus!!!!"

It won't stop!
Shiv: "What does dino in dinosaurus mean?"
Me: "I dunno...BIG?"
Shiv: "No way, then there would have to be a microsaurus!"

(btw: Deino = terrible; sauros = lizard --> end result = dinosaurus! *AAAAAH*)

aw :(

 This past week while I was studying for my ID exam I noticed a big daddy longlegs on my windowsill, and he/she was trying to climb up and down the wood panel in front of the window. I watched it in wonder - the shaky thin legs, the intent and motivation to get up there, the sheer existence of such an elegant, beautiful creature that most likely feared me more that I did it. Before all of this I had noticed it over days - flitting up and down on my loft walls, and I would watch it and think "let it live."

To think I had that sort of power in my hand - how dare I make such an assumption? Who am I to let a bug live or die? Why I thought of myself as morally superior for "letting it live" brings me to understand how ignorant I am of the things I understand about life.

Just now, I see it near the panel of wood on the cement base of my windowsill - dead. Its beautiful legs are still just as elegant when not moving. To think I could even remotely influence its survival is beyond me. Arrogance and ignorance - a daddy longlegs taught me to be humble today. I hope I'll remember tomorrow.

mind bends truth

heart twists muscle

dreams shift reality

soul soothes sleep.

~me