a bit of enlightenment

The first momentous non-trail descent! O.o

amanda: gawd, i'm already tired of studying

me: you have NO IDEA how much i relate

i'm about to collapse

i've got piza in the oven

amanda: mmm pizza

Sent at 2:09 PM on Thursday

amanda: i just made a salad and some hard-boiled eyes
me: um..

eyes?

human eyes?

amanda: eggs

me: hhaaha

i'm bloggin' this
amanda: sometimes... i'd like to boil my eyes

usually close to test-taking time. Like now.

me: haha

mine are boiled already...want mine?

i bet they taste very spicy

amanda: lol probably

never settle

Every time I go home, to my home in India, I come back more alive than I had left. It takes a lot for that to happen, but it's as though my heart beats faster, more forcefully, more excitedly in my homeland. Just seeing Indian soil is enough to bring tears to my eyes. Fortunately (or unfortunately), this time fate endeavored to keep me away from any of my beloved window seats. One flight, I actually sat next to a window, except it was painted over. The point of having a window there...? Beats me. Not to mention the ~10 day flight delay battle mom and I fought. I'm not going to grace the havoc of airports and flights with more words.

I visited a lot of family members, and it's astounding how many of them will show up just to get a glimpse of you, to hold your hand, give you a hug after years of distance. I miss them a lot. And then there always the ones who saw me last when I was a 2 year old, and they'd point and say "Oh my GOD! You were *THIIIIIIS* (hand waving) little when I last saw you!!!" FO seriously. Am I supposed to remember them? *roll eyes* My best friend shed tears in the darkness at the elevator when I left. I laughed and told her not to cry, but cried myself when I got back. My brother has already called me numerous times.

This trip was different. I went trekking in the Himalaya's with my brother and uncle. Holy shit. Repeat: I went trekking in the HIMALAYA'S!!! No words could do justice to how beautiful it was. It was hard, but I just kept climbing. I just kept climbing. At one point we reached a clear patch of grass and I just lay down my feet pointed uphill and my eyes staring at an entire mountain range upside down. I laughed for a good 30 minutes staring at it all. Must have been the low oxygen content. :) It does things to my neurons. Moreover, I have never ever seen the colors turquoise and green like I did there. The moss on the trees appeared to glow, and the blue in the streams and rivers would never let my happiness rest. One highlight was when my brother (cousin) and I stopped to tie my shoelace a leaf fell down from the top of the mountainside and landed right next to my foot, almost like a welcome offering. Later along the route we found a bright red flower on the moss, and picked it up, only to forget it at a tree where we rested. It was almost like the mountains offered us a leaf, and we offered a flower in return. Ofcourse, this is me choosing to see significance in such moments.

When we reached our final campsite, Dhakuri, we were utterly exhausted. I swear, the last 1km was a descent, and holy shit, I could have sprained my ankle SO MANY TIMES because of the steepness of it. The locals literally run down it. I tried that, but failed due to my wuss-ass fear of tearing my lower limbs apart over the rocky terrain. The descent trail was literally one unstable stone after another, so much so that we didn't even take the trail but rather went straight down through the forests. Three hours later, we were eating the best food I have ever had in my life. They have magic in their hands! From what a city person would consider extremely simple food, the locals there could mould it into an amazing dish made over freshly chopped wood, such that you could taste the smoke...I know it sounds really weird, but it litereally changes the food - eg. it makes the bread sweet.

Anywho, I spent an awesome week up there. For once in my life...just being. Oh, and I saw the entire Milky Way. Fuck yeah!


I remember this comment and poem on a journal entry I wrote on my way back down:

"The locals say you have to have a pure heart to make it up. When I was there I believed it. Maybe a part of me still does. But no human is pure at heart. I think the trick was 'where there is a will, there is a way,' such that I willed myself into thinking I was pure at heart and worthy of the journey. How the mind fools the mind never fails to astound me. That is the challenge of life.

And we're stoned.
We're high tonight.
We're high above the ground tonight.
We're on a cliff tonight;
Stones on a cliff

Ready to fall
Towards gravity."

So I'm back where gravity resides. My feet are planted. And I've decided never to settle for anything less than the heights I know I can reach. And in all honestly, neither should you.

Happy New Year! :)

-"did you know you could perhaps kill somebody" -"yes but i want to do hoodrat stuff with my friends"

haha

oh heart, the things you do :)

the power of words

So you want to be a writer?

if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or
fame,
don't do it.
if you're doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don't do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
if you're trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-love.

the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

~Charles Bukowski

what can we do?

at their best, there is gentleness in Humanity.
some understanding and, at times, acts of
courage
but all in all it is a mass, a glob that doesn't
have too much.
it is like a large animal deep in sleep and
almost nothing can awaken it.
when activated it's best at brutality,
selfishness, unjust judgments, murder.

what can we do with it, this Humanity?

nothing.

avoid the thing as much as possible.
treat it as you would anything poisonous, vicious
and mindless.
but be careful. it has enacted laws to protect
itself from you.

it can kill you without cause.
and to escape it you must be subtle.
few escape.

it's up to you to figure a plan.

I have met nobody who has escaped.

I have met some of the great and
famous but they have not escaped
for they are only great and famous within
Humanity.

I have not escaped
but I have not failed in trying again and
again.

before my death I hope to obtain my
life.

~Charles Bukowski, from blank gun silencer - 1994

*tssss*

pwnage

me: i wouldn't trade it for the Universe
ananda: Universe: ......pwned.

"And something slow
Has started in me as
Shameless as an ocean and
Mirrored in devotion

...Sparks are swirling faster" ~TVotR

"we're howlin' forever"

"My mind has changed
My body's frame, but God I like it
My heart's aflame
My body's strained but God I like it" ~TVotR

ever feel like this..?

cyborgin' eet

*HAHA* enjoy....





p.s. the website pretty much spells out "cyborg" :P

Crawling Neutrophil

My buddy Emil sent me this, and I couldn't agree with it more...

I love you friends...for your wonderfully brilliant minds! <3

god is an astronaut

~best xkcd yet

I'm on a journey,
alone,
but not lonely.
As each second
becomes my past
I move forward-
ever closer to what
I seek,
ever farther from
where I am.
Enlightened are
the seconds of my future.

~me

time is relative

3 minutes and counting to the day of my official declaration as a "Medical School student." I've waited for this for so long.

making history

I watched Michael Phelps make history tonight with almost my ENTIRE CHM CLASS!!!!! We were all cheering "USA," absolutely ecstatic about every single lap the team took....all the way till he choked up and pseudo-cried...holy wows....WHAT AN AWESOME MOMENT! No words can describe what it felt like to be there.

I will seriously NEVER EVER forget it.

sexy Fry look

:D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to acquiesce

A long long time ago, *cough* high school actually, I used to do some cuhRAZY art. I think most of this was around the September 11 attacks. I just found a few:






This week is all about acquiescing to the explosion of packing at my house. This is what happened to my room...actually, below is the post-explosion. It's completely gone now! O.o

"God-ish"

3 hours.

Let me say that again, 3 HOURS!!!!!! :D

<3

p.s. Did you find an antonym yet?

...the landlord

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

July 1

Wow. It's the first of July already!

I'll be moving in a month! My first move away from a home I've known all my life. I'm scared shitless, but I'm also getting my feathers ready for flight. This life has just begun.

Hey World!

GET READY FOR ME!!!!!!!!

:D

Frisbeetarianism

The philosophy that when you die, your soul goes up on a roof and gets stuck. (George Carlin~UD)

You know how I always dream/dote upon going out into Space? I just realized, as someone inhabiting Earth, which is immersed in Space, I'm already there aren't I?!!

I'm just...too used to it, so I take it for granted. *sigh*

In that case, isn't Frisbeetarianism a valid belief? Is my soul really going to be stuck on the roof that is the Earth? Could I possibly imagine being limited forever to the specks of land that I've traveled for my entire life and possibly death/beyond? Damn, I should start a new religion:

Spacesauceruniversalfreedomnenlightenmentism!

What's yours? ;)

death is the road to awe

the stairway

I was at the park today, and I don't know why this image strikes me as "interesting" because both are technically a part of nature - one created by humans and the other by trees.
I also had an epiphany. In looking at the butterflies I wondered why I couldn't fly. I learned from Douglas Adams that flying was "learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." Gravity sometimes makes that a bit difficult.

But if I am a part of everything, I am also the butterflies. I realized I COULD fly. Correction...I do fly! I do photosynthesize. I am those brilliant geniuses, the beggars on the street, the trashed bottle of juice in sunlit grass, those beautiful white butterflies, and stomata on the leaves. I am gravity, and the lack thereof. That is exactly what I am...anything, everything, every body, and no body.

Sidenote:
Apparently, people are beginning to get married in space. One guy's reaction to this wonderful news:

"Okay, but do you have to go back up to get divorced?
Posted by: Hamy June 24, 2008 at 01:40 AM"

*haaha* :D

*getting in the sunrise*

the 2pm's

I woke up at 2p.m. today!!!!!!! :O

Jeez. I just looked at the clock and woke up with shock! But I had one of my tornado dreams again! :(

I'm in some city that my mind wants me to believe is the Zoo, except, apart from my house, nothing else looks familiar. At first, I'm at home with mom and dad, and I remember looking out at some terrace-like venue at 20 or so tornado's (they're pretty thin but fast swirling). I don't remember much more from that scene, but my parents and I get separated somehow, and I end up in the downtown area of the city with a whole bunch of random people. And there's tornado's literally EVERYWHERE...if I took a 360 degree turn, there would be 50 in each direction. Worst of all, it seems like the direction of street we're walking/running on leads to a conglomerate of newly-formed tornado's that end up becoming one MASSIVE tornado! By massive I mean GINORMOUS! I can see people get rattled/sucked up by smaller tornado's ahead of the big one right in front of me, so I decide to turn back. I end up running into a restaurant/pub which has a cellar. There's a young girl my age on top of a bunk bed (or something like it) and I sit with her. Pretty soon there's other young people joining me and her, all squished onto that small platform, and we sit and decide to play a board game (that's right, in the middle of a tornado passing over us). I don't know anyone, nor does it seem like there's anyone older than 30, or even 25, there. I remember wondering if my parents had the foresight to run into a restaurant's cellar like I did, and also recalling how upon my survival my dad would exclaim "You're a pretty smart girl, huh?!" (he often does this when I ASTOUND him with something he thinks I can't astound him with). When we ride it out, the next day we walk down the street and every single tree is uprooted, it's all gone...and the strangest thing of all, I remember seeing this railroad track on a long bridge crossing this street on which there are houses that move on tracks! And I think to myself "Man! I bet those rail-houses were effed!"

This time, probably the most intense feelings I had about this dream can be attributed to the sounds I heard of the tornado's. I ACTUALLY heard them sound like trains! It was the freakiest thing of all!!! I could probably pull a hundred analogies about what it all means...but damn, I'm clueless.

*sigh* Anywho, I woke up at 2p.m. I think my body's tired of waiting to get to med school. I think my mind is tired. Maybe my soul is too.

Sidenote:
Me: "There's a solar eclipse on August 1!"
John: "Wait, what happens during those?"
Me: "I think the Moon comes between the Sun and Earth."
John: "Nah, isn't that lunar eclipse? It could be Mars or something."
Me: "Mars is the 4th planet out John."
John: "No it isn't!"
*silence*
John: "Oh WAIT!!!!!"

:D *HAHA*

lately...

:)

on a post spree...

(Latest drawing - copyrighted!)

I saw the moon yesterday. It didn't look like a jewel, nor delicate. It looked real - a rock that's been hit and bears the scars, unhidden by the Sun's blinding light. It wasn't a smooth globe, but rather its edges suffered from shadows of vast craters and undulations of peaks. Even for me to imagine or compare its magnitude to where I stood was strangely intangible. But here's the irony - in all its cragged glory, I still admired it and watched blinded, in awe. It is the one object I could realistically see in such detail. I appreciated a true sense of perspective when looking at stars like Polaris, or other vague objects seemingly invisible to the naked eye in comparison to this bright mass hanging in a vacuum.

Why is it there? And why am I here?

There is a reason. THERE IS A REASON TO THE MADNESS OF ORDER!!!

*SOOO HAPPY*

This post, is wholeheartedly dedicated to my friend Chris, who just got accepted into Albert Einstein's College of Medicine (Yeshiva University)!!!!!!

Like holy crap. For those of you who don't know how EFFIN' GORGEOUS that school is, let me tell you...IT'S AMAZING!!!!! There used to be a time in my life where I just dreamed night after night of getting accepted there, to be immersed in the culture and populace that is the Bronx, and everything that comes with the host of experiences at AECOM. For me to even know someone who is going to be one of the greatest physicians EVER, much more, for me to have studied with, spent a good few hours writing letters of intent (*flail*), discuss our passions for medicine, and other wondrous moments of nerdiness ...is phenomenal!

He waited SOOOOO long for this moment! Congrats Chris! You waited SO patiently!

I AM SO PROUD! :D *beams*

electromagnetism

It's really interesting how far the human mind has come in regards to our perception/definition/belief that belies the term "God." Sometimes it seems our minds are SO convoluted and limited even when considering the most expansive theories, simply because our use of language to concretly describe sentiments and beliefs sometimes eludes us from self-enlightenment? Some things just aren't meant to be defined, or tagged, bagged, and owned. Right? O.o

According to Persinger,

God (n.): "When the right hemisphere of the brain, the seat of emotion, is
stimulated in the cerebral region presumed to control notions of self, and then
the left hemisphere, the seat of language, is called upon to make sense of this
nonexistent entity, the mind generates a "sensed presence."

"'Seeing God' is really just a soothing euphemism for the fleeting awareness of ourselves alone in the universe: a look in that existential mirror. The "sensed presence" - now easily generated by a machine pumping our brains with electromagnetic spirituality - is nothing but our exquisite and singular self, at one with the true solitude of our condition, deeply anxious. We're itching to get out of here, to escape this tired old environment with its frayed carpets, blasted furniture, and shabby old God. Time to move on and discover true divinity all over again."

I get lost in such conundrums often. :P It's mind boggling! And then I read such wonderful quotes by philosophers such as Rumi:

"Why should I seek? I am the same as He. His essence speaks through me.
I have been looking for myself!" :)

(To clarify, I'm not attacking any beliefs/religions but rather presenting a different point of view)

sometimes, this happens to me...O.*

I like to call it Broken Neuron Syndrome.

swimming in a green sea

I wrote this while sitting in my backyard today:
The moving blades of grass and undulating shadows of trees pushed by wind makes it look like an ocean - a sea of green over which I look, Godlike. This is how small I am. To think I reign this small sea that is my backyard shows me what truly is my immediate environment. I wonder why it's so difficult to imagine it - to grasp the completeness of the Universe. Then again, maybe this small green sea is quite magnificent. Maybe the part I reign contains just enough for my mind to completely know and pour my atoms into. The butterflies, insects, microbes, grains of soil and minerals, water, air, atoms and component quarks, everything my green sea contains - I AM. Every natural instinct of the squirrel treading the blades and shadows to get food or leave its mark, is my instinct. Ironic how once you begin to realize how "a part of everything" you are, it's impossible to break away.

Would I rather be separate, or would I prefer immersion?

Question: What would you prefer?

"PLUTOID?!!!!"

IS THIS FOR REAL?! Apparently,

"Now an IAU committee, meeting in Oslo, has suggested that small, nearly
spherical objects orbiting beyond Neptune should carry the "plutoid" tag. The IAU's Committee on Small Body Nomenclature has now decided that dwarf planets that move beyond Neptune should be placed in a new sub-category, the plutoid. " ~BBC

Remember that time I requested squirmy old men locked in a room need to quit deciding the fate of the Universe? I guess they need hearing aids! I think I'm just furious still that Pluto was demoted, and thus any reference of it feels like stoking coals to the fire in my heart. As IF it wasn't bad enough that it's a dwarf planet (*cough* NOT *cough*) they now demoralize it further by categorizing it with other LESSER MORTALS...i mean...LESSER PLANETS! There..I said it! Whatchu gonna do old men? Huh? Huuhhh?! HUUUHH??!

*looks of dare*

*HAHA* OMG I just saw this about Pluto's Fury.

the thangs...

... images of space do for me: (note: Sagittarius arm! :) )New Coworker: "Why are you so happy all the time?"
Me: *speechless*

What I SHOULD HAVE said:

Cook 1: "How can you be so cheerful? We've been on duty for 12 hours."

Cook 2: "I have a weak wall in a blood vessel at the base of my brain. If I get too stressed out, it could explode and kill me."

Cook 1: "*"

GO RED WINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOLY EFFS! They were MADE for it!

I'd say all my of-late hyperness is definitely well spent egging on the defiance of the Red Wings against some great teams they've played. I'm not saying they flew through it like a breeze - anything but! There have been SO many close calls and it just brings to light how I can't ever imagine how much strength, perseverance, and bloody talent it takes to get to the Stanley Cup Finals, much less WIN IT! Last night was SUPERB!!!! I've watched some of my best friends maul and get mauled out there in the rink, and one of them doesn't even wear a helmet (he's a daredevil this one)! When players don't wear their helmet ...I sort of freak out! I mean, I'll lay it out there...all the good ones are GOOD LOOKING...QUIT MESSING WITH THAT!

Aaaanywho. *shifty eyes* Fantastic season!!!! :D (but it doesn't end here)

I for one, seem to have NO coordination as of late. Last Sunday, I went running and sprained the CRAP out of my left ankle. Then, yesterday, I decided to take my bike around the citae ...and uh, ended up falling off it(don't ask how *more frantic shifty eyes*), and now I have a gargantuan stab wound on my palm. It was definitely one of those, "Oh shit, wtf is happening? JUST PRETEND LIKE YOU WANTED TO FALL OFF AND IT DOESN'T HURT, THEN SPEED THE HELL AWAY FROM THE SCENE" (which is what I did). O.o I just hope nobody saw me, b/c I'm thinking of running that same route soon and I don't want any "witnesses" going "LOOK! It's that girl who FELL OFF HER BIKE! *huh huh*"

So yeah. JOY! :) Can't live without it.

*edit*
John: "Sup, G?!"
Me: "G = Universal gravitational constant??"
John: "You dork"

INVULNERABLE

"I am the happiest (wo)man alive. I have that in me that can convert poverty to riches, adversity to prosperity, and I am more invulnerable than Achilles, fortune hath not one place to hit me."

~Thomas Browne, Relegio Media (1642)

dx/dt

*sigh* I miss deriving. :P

BUT HOMAN! I got to see Panic! At the Disco, Phantom Planet (SO AMAZING! <3), The Hush Sound, and Motion City Soundtrack (*cough* not a fan of the last one) this Saturday! Ofcourse, this DID mean getting effin' TRAMPLED and MAULED by 14-year old CRAZY FEMALE HUMANS. But fear not!..The Shruts had it under control. *rocks out*

Memorable lyrix by Panic:

"Things have changed for me, and that’s okay
I feel the same, I’m on my way, and I say
Things have changed for me, and that’s okay" ~The Green Gentleman

"If all our life is but a dream
Fantastic posing greed
Then we should feed our jewelry to the sea
For diamonds do appear to be
Just like broken glass to me

Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don’t you go down
You are at the top of my lungs
Drawn to the ones who never yawn" ~Northern Downpour

"They sang, so our matching legs are marching clocks
And we’re all too small to talk to god
Yes, we’re all too smart to talk to god
Oh, we’re all too smart to talk to god" ~Behind the Sea

knotice

So I know I haven't been the best at updating my blog this month. A LOT has happened! :D A lot of beautiful good things! For example...

I'M GOING TO MED SCHOOL!

At Michigan State University, College of Human Medicine. I cannot wait for this journey to begin. It's been so long since I've waited for this moment. Everything I have ever stood for during the past year had been shaken, and it seemed my entire foundation was uprooted on occasion. But in all of that commotion that was uncertainty, was the simple truth that everything in life is relative to your perspective. You shape what you see, what you feel, and what you become as a consequence of what you perceive..not just visually, but even subconsciously.

A wise professor once told me: "You are what you let your mind absorb."

In this very moment, I choose to absorb the wonderful uncertainty that is my future, the certainty that is my past, and the moment that is the present. In doing so, I choose to be who I am, true to myself.

I've written numerous poems these past few months, of which I'd like to share this one because of its relevance to this topic:

It feels like you're caught in a blaze
And staring at the fire.
As your eyes burn with fear,
Hatred and anger
All that was sanity
Brushed fire into straw
To make you go insane.

You're frozen forever-
Unable freedom
To speak, utter an emotion,
Live, breathe, or move.
Stiffled by the rigidity
That is the cold, you drown
Choking for warm air.

There is no warmth to lay
Solace to the cold
Nor water to calm the fire.
Here you stand broken,
Alone at a precipice-
Organic, molecular, atomic
And you are insignificant.

The fire, cold, warmth
Is relative.

~me (copyrighted)

i <3 UD

bad fuel day May 16

The mood or feeling one experiences after having just filled his or her vehicle with $4.00+ per gallon gasoline. (Usually consists of a sense of great economic despair, impending doom, anger, frustration, depression and/or a combination of all the above)

"Leave me alone. I'm having a bad fuel day!"

~Urbandictionary

The Prayer (is answered)

Lord, give me grace
And dancing feet
And the power to impress
Lord, give me grace
And dancing feet
Let me outshine the moon

Is it so wrong to crave recognition?
Second best
Runner up
Is it so wrong to want rewarding?
To want more than is given to you?
Than is given to you?

Tonight make me unstoppable
And I will charm, I will slice,
I will dazzle them with my wit
Tonight make me unstoppable
And I will charm, I will slice
I will dazzle I will outshine them all

Standing on the packed dance floor

Our bodies throb in time
Silent on the weekdays
Tonight I claim what’s mine

Is it so wrong to crave recognition?
Second best
Runner up
Is it so wrong to want rewarding?
To want more than is given to you?
Than is given to you?

Tonight make me unstoppable
And I will charm, I will slice,
I will dazzle them with my wit
Tonight make me unstoppable
And I will charm, I will slice
I will dazzle I will outshine them all

Tonight make me unstoppable
And I will charm, I will slice,
I will dazzle them with my wit
Tonight make me unstoppable
And i will charm, I will slice
I will dazzle I will outshine them all

nonexistance

This beautiful song is called Cityscape, by Paper Route:

All the light crawls into your window (It's starting to wake you up)
Painting your walls with moving shapes
Back in the corner there's a shadow
That you'd swear was a cityscape

Now the light fills your room and eyelids
Now the light pulls you from your dreams
Sleep is a guilty vicious liar
It's nothing more than short relief.

the things God says...

Me: "So how's God doing?" (Dr. E says he's God) :P
Dr. Essani: "Not so good, the economy's ruining my mood."

Dr. Essani: "You know, marriage is like adopting somebody."

Dr. Essani: "When you're asleep you're in the same state as being nonexistant."
Me: "No way! I'm in my dreams!"
Dr. Essani: "No, you're nowhere!"
Me: *BLOODY FASCINATED*

8:10pm Dan: Have you heard of the Cassini?
Me: *within one second* the spacecraft exploring saturn's moons?
Dan: yeah http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cassini-Huygens
8:11pm Me: damn i'm good! *high fives self*

I seriously didn't know I was so passionate about space so as to recall satellite missions at a moments notice! It's amazing! It was almost like a subconscious automatic response. Sometimes...I spend more than a few minutes remembering how much my tiny brain can handle. O.o

Extra Tidbit: :)

Katedra

My favorite animation of all time:



It almost makes me allegorize the Cathedral for the human body/mind. But it's strange...Ironically, every time I see the animation, and when the man becomes the pillar I feel free, when that's clearly not what's happening. A part of me feels like in becoming a part of the Cathedral he realizes his place/oneness with everything. That although he may have been a free-living, moving, and acting entity he was composed of nothing more than the dirt that composes the pillars.

And I have NO CLUE if any of that made any sort of sense! :P

This week has been SOO TREMENDOUSLY awesome! :D I traveled so much that my head's spinning! Along with the rest of me! I seriously, SERIOUSLY do not envision my future in life without traveling. It's what I live, and breathe for. I just wrote this, on a whim, ...again! :P

Feet,
Take me there.

Eyes,
Show me the Universe

Mind,
Feel freedom.

*copyrighted* :)

"Stay hungry, stay foolish."

Only then can you grow! :)

an animated war! 2! :)

So, a while ago I had posted an animation called Animator vs Animation...and there's a Version 2 out now! :O


Animator vs. Animation II by *alanbecker on deviantART

:P

1

You know, as human beings, we are selfish. That...is the plain truth. Call it survival of the fittest, our need to evolve as independent beings, arrogance, ignorance...whatever. It all boils down to the adjective selfish. And I suppose it's not just us. It's inherent in all living things. It's like "selfish" was written all over our genomes - in every protein's genetic code, in every molecular cycle that pumps out a product, in every movement of the cell. Replicate, replicate, replicate...for the sake of replication. Grow, grow, grow...for the sake of replication. Die, die, die...for the sake of replication.

I often forget that is our overall purpose here on earth. But ofcourse, there is more to the puzzle than just that. In order to successfully replicate, we must use tactics. That's why we have a brain. Wait...why do we have a brain? Because we need something to analyze all the signals that are out there. What signals? The ones that chemical messengers carry to the brain. Where do the messengers come from? That's where FEELING comes into play.

Tactics is all about feeling. An amoeba "feels" or more appropriately described "senses" it's way through a water droplet. A virus, no matter how un-lively it is, has those complementary proteins - the very same ones that, through the wonder that is thermodynamics, permits it to encounter a potential docking site (think about this one, how amazing is it that one virus particle can infiltrate our comparably massive bodies by interaction with just one cell?). A herd of lions feels its way through the tall brush towards their target. It's no different with humans. We feel just as much as all the other organisms in the world.

So does that mean that just as other critters and beings use feeling to survive, thrive, and conquer, so do we? ABSO-FREAKIN'-LUTELY! Our feelings are just that...tactics.

We've fortunately (or unfortunately) distanced ourselves from natural mammalian predators....except for the greatest. Which is ourselves! I happened to watch the movie Fitna, which is about how Islam is OOH so horrendous. And it got me thinking about all the feeling in this world, and what purpose it serves. Feeling is exactly like our Kryptonite. Except humans have multiple Kryptonites. Love and hate are just tactics that permit our survival/demise. When we love, when we hate...it's our feelings that protect the prospect of surviving. We have viruses that annhilate vast populations. Why? Because they too use tactics, "feelings," and determine our survival/demise. Then there's global warming. How could we forget? Be it our own cause, or just the environment making a racket - global warming IS real and IS a determining factor in our survival/demise. Call it the Earth using self-preservation tactics! And last, but not least, the greatest ...GREATEST human feeling = Religion.

Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Atheist, you name it!.....I'm fortunate to have learned to respect all of them. And maybe it's just a natural selection pressure. That we use "feeling" as a tactic to root everyone but "ourselves" out. The problem with that is though, religion = rifts. Religion = separation. Religion = divides. Need I say this any clearer?

Maybe this will do the trick:
All We Are, Fischerspooner


Lyrics:
The breaking light
Sparks the human strain
And it is the dawn
Relentless again

With endless arms
Hot, holy light
Radiates and then it all begins

Chorus
We are as one and one is all we are
We are as one and one is all we are

Inhaling quick
When I see your being
Can’t define
The divine
And I’m born again
The limitless is within my reach
Particles passing through a microcosm
That is all we are (chorus 2x)

I can’t define
It is divine (chorus 2x)

seva = to give

This is my city! GO AHMEDABAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D I've already told all my friends there to go and check it out! And I can't wait to hear from them! :)

I think that giving, when brought hand-in-hand with the concept of spiritual oneness is the most uniting phenomenon.

...searching

the things AIR makes me wanna do...

Latest drawing: :P *COPYRIGHTED YO!*
Homan..the hands took FOREVUH! I usually suck at whole human body drawings (psst..which is why half of her body is covered by her hair *haha*), so I'm slightly relieved that she didn't turn out to be a green blob. :P (p.s. click image for larger view)

This week's been AWESOME! :) My bff came over to visit me..and HO BOY...was that fun! We furiously chomped down salsa chips, and mehican foodstuffs while discussing how marvelous fishing was! See? Girls talk about other stuff too! Then we hit the mall like the villians that we be, and we were so good that this weird-ass woman came up hoping to sell her nail-betterment crap to us...I was pretty much hosed and sucked into her monstrous plan from the beginning, but the Panda had it under control. We walked away unscathed, well, maybe my nail was ONE LAYER OF KERATIN THINNER! *questionable looks* And then we actually saw a book called "What's your Poo telling You?" ...FO REAL! :O *gross* And the ice cream...OH THE ICE CREAM! (I'll leave it at that) :P

Und then...Emil called. :D He had the wonderful honor of hearing me squeal over the phone. *haha* And my mom viciously mutilated me at Checkers...and as IF that weren't bad enough..dad beat the crap out of me at Chess too. *feels flogged*

Proof: Game 1, Mom = Black, Loser = Red: O.o
EDIT: Just got back from watching Jumper, they could have made it SOOO much better! *ugh*

nightmare ..again *.*

There's a white car, and me and a friend get in it (I don't know who, it's a young male with dark hair). We drive out of a parking space in a dark street ...somehow end up in a large building-type garage. The garage is almost isolated from any surrounding buildings, and open sky is visible. There are 4 tornadoes......I can see them through the openings on one side of the garage, and feel the wind, and there's an entire school-worth of kids in the garage who the two of us try to rescue and send to the basement (all the kids are dressed in white and looking at them makes me feel a little peaceful...and it even makes me help them calmly). We're on our way down...

Then I wake up.

What the hell is up with this whole disaster thing? It's not the first time tornado's have appeared in my dreams either. Remember when there's that firework sign, and then some bomb hits the building I'm in? Well, before it HAS occasionally been tornadoes instead of the bombs...like MANY MANY HUNDREDS of tornadoes!

I did a bit of research on all of this MADNESS (that is not Sparta, but Shruts!), and I read this somewhere:

"Many times, these dreams will accompany a time in the dreamer's life when he or she feels that the entire world is against them and only their association with something larger than themselves can provide a resolution."

"To rescue others, foretells that you will be esteemed for your good deeds."

*FLAIL*

Dreams confuse me to eternity and back! Apart from interpretations of dreams as described above, there are SO many theories as to why dreams exist. They can indicate your deepest desires, fears, emotional tantrums etc., they could just be a bunch of neuronal circuitry doing a number on you, and last, but most fascinatingly dreams could be a window into parallel Universes (source for last statement: The Holographic Universe). As if our conscious mind cannot handle the parallel Universes, it rather gives the unconscious mind to deal with the complexities of other realms? I would HATE for my Armageddon dreams to occur in parallel Universes, although I haven't exactly died in any ..yet *touches wood* they are pretty intense feelings. But wouldn't it be oh so awesome if my space dreams (which are waaay out of this Universe) were to actually occur to a parallel Shruts in some beautifully enlightened Universe?!

To that...I say *WEEEEEEEE* :D *bring eet* *snaps fingers stylishly*

Wouldn't that be the kewlest?! I'm starting a hand-written Dream Journal. ..Just because the rate at which these amazing dreams have been occurring lately is quite phenomenal! O.o

i seek...

"To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour."
                      ~William Blake

to infinity and beyond

Fractals fascinate me. They are a form of art that capture both the logical and emotional artifacts of my mind. Logical, in that the simplest mathematics can generate patterns that are infinitely collapsible or expansive (as in the Mandelbrot fractal on the right), and emotional in the beauty of infinity being tangibly but ironically intangibly described simultaneously.

You see, the Mandelbrot fractal specifically refers to the equation:

Z <=> X^2 + C

(Where C is a constant)

Therefore, substituting any possible number for X, yields a value for Z, which in turn is used as the subsequent value of X to lead to an infinitely expansive (as in the case of numbers larger than 1) or infinitely collapsible (for numbers smaller than 1, which would lead to Z values approaching 0) set of numbers. When graphed, Benoît Mandelbrot assigned the collapsible values to black colors, while numbers that extended to infinity were assigned different colors based on the rate at which they expanded towards infinity.

Thus, the famous Mandelbrot fractal was created. The coolest part however, is that no matter how infinitely far you zoom in, the pattern that any given value for X defines as the Mandelbrot graph is ever-present.

:) *ends randomness*

I bring all of that up because I sort of went through a very significant emotional whirlwind during the past two hours, and it made me think of infinity. I was watching this video my friend Dan sent me about ..you know, those ridiculous conspiracy "world is ending run for your freakin' life and make a space ship before earth goes to hell" kind of videos. And I had stopped right before the conclusion to it began, so OBVIOUSLY I was really distraught and almost crying when I told my dad that the entire powerful populace of the world has been planning to eradicate 93% of our population by 2012. (I fall for these like chocolate - *to panda: eg. "come closer, i will give you BOTH FOR THE PRICE OF ONE"*)

And then came the conclusion. *aaah* *BASKS*

*basks some more*

*still basking*

..Ok. I'll share now. :P

Remember a looong time ago I stated:

"Suddenly, you realize that what you are made of, is in so many ways connected to everything else that exists. That even our small solar system is composed of our Universe, that even our small hearts and minds are components of its energy! Some call it God, others just respect it as what holds everything together or makes everything fall apart." (is nothing something? October, '07)

That was their conclusion as well. Apart from all the fear and love (the two dominant emotions) that we feel in our lives, we are ULTIMATELY a part of the big picture, and that, in and of itself is worth living and dying for.

(VIEW VIDEO STARTING AT 8:40 minutes)


(I know, I know...some of it about the DNA sounds puhrrty quirky) :P
But hearing it from someone else saying it rather than my doubtful mind reiterating it to myself made it seem more concrete and hit home at light speed than turtle pace.

Oh! and I'm going to be coauthoring Dan's blog (link in links list also) in regards to nerdy techy sciency news that I might not mention here. I'm officially the "Science/Philosophy Beat." :D *ASTEROID*

*mooooooo*

Sooo...I watched some surgeriez todee w/ Johnny boy. :) Laproscopic bowel resectomy and appendectomy, and placement of a metal nail for a tibial fracture. *hmm* Innerestins ay? ;)

Basically, we stood for 5 hours. O.o

Me: *converses during surgery* "Yeah, when I was in India...*blah blah*"
John: "Oh yea, and how many cows were around? Were they like roaming the OR?"
Me: "Absolutely, I think there were like 4 or 5. And a few stray dogs. I think one was under the operating table."

John: *looking at tibial replacement w/ nail*
Me: "I've seen a TKR"
John: "OH yea? I bet they just went 'namaste - all done'" *does namaste w/ hands & bows*
Me: "Ofcourse! And *indian accent* 'thangu forrr tha monee'" ;)

*while cutting dude open*
John: "OH BOY!"
*BOTH OF US STARE AT THE FAT*
Me: "Yeah, if anybody wants to go on a diet, they should definitely watch a surgery first."

Needless to say, it was standing for 5 hours, plus a WHOLE LOT OF FUN! :D

<3'in life.

la comida

What keeps us alive? Food. It isn't surprising then, that apart from gas prices our biggest commodity - food - is becoming more expensive as well:

Source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7276971.stm

"Q&A: Rising world food prices

Wheat prices have risen 83% in a year. The price of wheat has doubled in the past year - and it is not the only foodstuff trading at a high price on the international commodity market. Things have got so bad that aid agencies are having to rethink their programmes. In the UK, pig farmers are protesting at Downing Street over the price of feed. BBC science correspondent Tom Feilden looks at the reasons why the era of cheap food may be coming to an end.

What is going on?
Prices are increasing sharply for some of the most basic foodstuffs traded on international commodity markets. The price of wheat has doubled in less than a year, while other staples such as corn and soya are trading at well above their 1990s averages. Rice and coffee prices are running at 10-year highs, and in some countries, prices for milk and meat have more than doubled.

Why are we seeing these increases now?
It could be the breakdown of the "Goldilocks era" for global commodities - a period stretching back more than 30 years, during which the price of basic foodstuffs has been neither too high nor too low, but remained relatively constant. For most of this period, the cost of staples such as wheat, corn and soya has actually fallen in real terms. But it seems this long period of stability is coming to an end. Most commentators believe we are on the cusp of a new era of volatility and rising prices.

What are the main causes?
The first reason why prices are rising is growth in the world's population, which is expected to top nine billion by the middle of the century. That is an incredible number of mouths to feed and will put pressure on a range of resources, including land, water and oil, as well as food supply.
But lurking behind the headline figures for population is an even more significant factor pushing up prices, and that's the economic miracle driving emerging economies such China and India. To put it bluntly, rich people eat more than poor people, and all this economic growth is generating a whole new tier of middle-class consumers.

What other factors are involved?
There is also the added environmental pressure all these extra people are loading onto the planet, as well as the impact of climate change.
Desertification is accelerating in China and sub-Saharan Africa, while more frequent flooding and changing patterns of rainfall are already beginning to have a significant impact on agricultural production. And global warming has played a significant role in another driver of rising prices: the shift in agricultural production from food to biofuels. Ethanol production is on course to account for some 30% of the US corn crop by 2010, dramatically curtailing the amount of land available for food crops and pushing up the price of corn flour on international commodity markets. "

So...not only have we got to think of our Earth and what we've done to it...but we have to become less and less selfish as more and more of everything that keeps us alive seems to keep vanishing because of our greed.

I just have one question..is there still hope for us?

Nerdy McLovin'

Hmmm....

I remember once upon a long long LOOOONG time ago I took Virology. And I remember being absolutely fascinated and astounded by the diversity with which viruses function. Essentially, DNA/RNA (nucleic acids) inherently program the most simplistic protection mechanisms that are seemingly "taken for granted" by host organisms (like multicellular organisms). For example, our body utilizes antigen-antibody recognition for a vast majority of cellular interactions. The complementary domains of proteins that interact and make love to each other produces an offspring of responses of which we have just a basic understanding. In the immune system, such binding elicits an ocean of responses ranging from increased cytokine production to production of bradykinin (responsive for pain) and even increases in body temperature caused by such "feverish" activity!

Yeah, we know how these proteins interact - how they bind, and thereby change structural motifs, and how such changes effect downstream responses. But most of us only get the chance to study one little pixel of the image that is a cell. In all that is complex and great, in everything that we as scientists attempt to study and understand what it all means, we often forget the beauty of complementary domains.

It is this immensely awe-inspiring event that is taken to full advantage by a virus in invading a host. Simply this. If anything, we as humans may attribute (as we so often do) "cleverness" in the form that is the virus. The nucleic acid encodes for what is perhaps THE prime example of the phrase survival of the fittest...the only things an organism needs to propagate are:

1) a host in which it can replicate
2) a way to get in.

This is essentially everything a virus is equipped with. Although all the classes of viruses that exist are fairly complex in structure, each part serves one of the above mentioned core purposes. A virus carries inside it nucleic acid, encoding a few essential proteins for replication in a host, surrounded by a barrier, which serves to not only protect but at same time is the mode of entry for just about every virus known to date. The very same nucleic acid encodes certain proteins which "MIRACULOUSLY" happen to display complementary domains to proteins in host organisms.

All that remains....is some McLovin'. ...

...

Ok that went too far...but *HAHA* :P

I say ALLL OF THE ABOVE in reference to this article that I've been instinctively waiting to come to light (in some respect or another it already has over the years):

http://www.technologyreview.com/Biotech/20363/

"In its experiment, the team transplanted glioblastoma--the most common and aggressive form of human brain cancer--into the brains of mice. Prior to transplantation, researchers genetically engineered the tumor cells to express a red marker, which, once inside the brain, would show up in laser microscopy scans. Similarly, Van den Pol inserted a green marker in VSV cells and injected the virus intravenously through the tail. Within a few days, researchers observed that the green virus found its way to the brain and selectively infiltrated red tumor masses and individual tumor cells, while avoiding normal cells. Van den Pol says that as the virus infects tumors, cancerous cells start to turn green, swelling up until they eventually burst."

The scientists claim that the mechanism of action may be the compromised immune status of tumorigenic tissue. But I am quite certain a specific "proteinaceous" marker permits VSV to specifically target the tumor cells. After all...if the experiment was done in immunocompromised rats, wouldn't you expect some other weakened tissues to be subjected to viral attack as well? (perhaps this team didn't study this?) Anyway, the article also concludes that the trial will be carried out with rats with normal immune responses (not immunosuppressed). (btw...the only reason the rats did not have an efficient immune system was b/c the researchers wanted to decrease rejection of the tumor transplant by the host)

Aaaanywho. *shifty eyes*

Quote of the day: "I'm a humanoid too. If you kewl with me, then I look past the void in you."

:P

ok ..so...i'll take the nightmares :P

a month's not SO bad!!! *BWAAHAHAHAHA*

*heppily skips away*

EDIT:

I hereby proclaim my immense love for tomatoes. *SWOONS* Oh my god. Life would be HELL without tomatoes! I love tomatoes.

Eat tomatoes and you shall be saved!

*ends passionate proclamation*

dreamcatchers

I have a recurring nightmare. In it, I'm usually living in some high-rise building (surrounded by other high rise buildings) with a balcony or terrace of some kind. It starts out differently each time, but somehow me, and my family and many times a few friends are looking at the sky in celebration of something. Last night, the event was that the city had finally developed some very sophisticated and novel space technology (I can't remember it's exact function anymore) and it had been launched into the sky. So everyone's out on their terraces/balconies looking up. And...since this dream is recurring, there are obvious signs as to when things begin to go wrong. Apparently, "my city" is familiar with this sign as well.

So what's the sign? It's a sort of firework that explodes in the sky, at different locations in the sky (like a mark where an attack is going to take place) and once it explodes it remains there as an ominous reminder to avoid that place. It's like a mark. It's not as if those looking into the sky can immediately tell what it's about..but rather akin to "hmm, that's strange." And ultimately, those of "us" who have experienced it before gasp and realize what it is about and frantically begin to make our escape.

This mark (or similar signs in the sky dispersed at locations of attack) is consistent throughout numerous dreams I've had and every time atleast one of them is above the building I'm in.

And what is it we're running away from? Some sort of mass bombing. Not just your ordinary "lets blow this building up" kind of bombing, but more like...*GET THE F* OUT OF HERE BEFORE WE'RE HIT* A few weeks ago, I was actually alone in the dream and I was attempting to rescue a fragile old man who kept vanishing and left behind different limbs for me to grasp instead. (I KNOW...FREAKY RIGHT?!)

This time, I can't recall exactly what or how, but I know my friend John's in the dream, and there's two other people but I can't remember...and we end up running with the crowd into some sort of mass barrack system for protection. Our cabin is a pale yellow tin box with bunk beds and about 10-20 squished in together. And there's no windows, just one door. And the last thing I remember about it is everyone running to lock the door b/c our cabin's about to be bombed.

Two nights ago, instead of ending up at these baracks, I ended up at my house with mom and dad. And a railway track ran parallel to our front door, and through our front yard and driveway. And it's almost time for my dad and I to go to work so we're getting ready to leave when massive numbers of cars and trucks and trains travel through the train tracks blocking our driveway. It's really strange b/c these tracks have never EVER been used (apparently) and all of a sudden there's goods trains and automobiles running on them! I remember looking around for whether or not we're the only one's who've noticed but can't remember what I ended up concluding. When I woke up, it was EXACTLY time for my dad and I to leave for work.

O.o

I don't know what any of it means. I just know that I've had this whole "me in a high rise building running away saving people and myself for protection from some sort of bombings or mass attack" more than 10 times.

I used to have an elevator nightmare, where I'd step into a dark elevator and it'd go down and ..then who knows but i'd tremble and sweat when I woke up...but that seems almost childish now. It's gone. I even tried to remember it one time, and it didn't scare me anymore.

I just wonder that in catching my dreams how many nightmares will I have to live through? One month seems killer.

instead of yo numba'...

Can you gimme yo address? ;)

*fumes*

Day before yesterday, I went to a house-warming with my friend Lin. And, when I was walking out towards my car in the parking lot, a silver car was backing out, and it hit the back of my car. I screamed, and yelled and he just sped away.

It was too dark to observe the license plate number. *flails* But fortunately, I looked at the back and there were no dents or scratches.

Today, I went to the post office to mail something, and it was really crowded so I parked in the only vacant spot (and it was at the end of the lot next to the thru-way). I came back to pick up dad from his office, and OMG, there's like a 1 inch gaping separation between the body and bumper on the right back side of my car! AND, there's like a bajillion huge scratches, and a small chunk of the right tail-light is missing!

WHAT THE HELL!

Seriously! I freaked out that I may not have seen the previous incident more carefully, but looking at it now, you'd think I'd NOTICE that HUGE GAPING SPACE!!! And OH MY GOD! Is this how humans work? Someone else's property matters shit compared to our own doesn't it?! Is that how we want to live? Isn't it how we live?!!!

WHY IS THIS HOW WE LIVE?!

WHY can't we be honest? Responsible for our own acitons?! KINDER?!!!!!!!

WHY DO THERE HAVE TO BE 1000 BAD people for every GOOD one?!

Please...PLEASE. If you EVER hit someone else's car without them knowing, or do anything as vile and indecent as drive away from the scene, please reconsider your selfishness, and how, BECAUSE OF SUCH BEHAVIOUR OUR WORLD IS AS IT IS!

*angry*

*smacks forehead*

*ahem* ..for those of the "girls" who apparently RULE at math..she forgot the C.

:P i miss calculus a lot :(

a lot a lot + C
where C = a "button"

the egg and the yolk

I woke up today, slightly enlightened.

I was looking at a glimmer of the sun through my blinds, and my eyes, having the less-than-perfect ability that they do without contact lenses, seemed to show me a long dull band of light with a blurry but fiery core. The first thing that came to mind was (obviously if you know me you'd think I'd see this) a galaxy.

A sombrero galaxy. On my ceiling.

My thought continued. This time it was an atom. The center - a nucleus of protons and neutrons surrounded by a haze of electrons.

An atom. In my mind.

And then the final image appeared, in which I felt momentarily enlightened. It was a cell, the center - a cluster of DNA and protein, surrounded by a sea of organic and inorganic molecules.

A cell. In my body.

I reveled in my self-discovery. But thought nothing of it and brushed my teeth. But just now another image came to mind. That of an egg, and it's yolk immersed in a white cocoon. It seems too incredible. It's too profound. Everything has a center. Everything has a nucleus. Everything revolves around an impetus. The nucleus of an atom, to the nucleus of a cell, to a yolk of an egg, to the center of a galaxy. There is always a center. I wonder if it's mere coincidence. And honestly, it probably is. As a human I WANT to make it seem like there IS a rhyme and reason to the pattern. But there probably isn't. Pff...just the thought astounds me though. How could this be?

How could I have not seen this before?

i'm letting go...

Deep in this anatomy
Buried
Deep in this anatomy
Buried

All is determination
To make it make sense
All is determination
You can find it if you...

Just let go, just let go, just, let it go

Stripped to the core

Robbed of ration
Instinct gives rise
Robbed of ration
Audacious and precise

The body lunges forward
Defeating time.........

You can find it if you......

Just let go, let it go, just, let it go

Make it make sense
The violence of the gesture
Make it make sense
Cutting through space
Make it make sense
The face
The effort to be made
The face, the face, the face
The enemy

Just let go, let it go, just, let it go

~Fischerspooner

1:11:34

I talked to you that long! :D

Oh how time does fly. :P