...move along

I had my first 'death' experience today..don't worry, you probably won't think its that serious by the end of this. But it was a pretty big deal for me. I was going to the lab to get something I had forgotten, and forgot to take my usual Rambling to Stadium to Howard route, so I travelled down Wincell to Oakland and Howard instead. Well, right about where I turn INTO my neighborhood, by Waite, I see like four cop cars, flashing lights and all *bling bling.* And I slow down, turn the music off, and see a cop flashing his torch for me to stop, and I do. But I found my mouth gaping wide...cause I saw a deer flailing around on the road ahead of me, and then I heard a *bang* The deer was out for 10 seconds, then flailed some more, after which it stopped. It died. My mouth was still open.

I have never in my life, EVER been to any funeral. Nor have I watched a living creature actually die. That may be a lie because I'm sure sometime I actually have seen an earthworm squirm to death or something, but I don't think my memory at this time permits me access to any form of death I've actually observed....o wait, there WAS this tiny bird that fell out of its nest when I was in second grade. I buried it. But that was a long time ago...and since I'm about to turn 21 in less than a month, I view this second experience of 'death' as an awakening. It was so strange. So many people have probably experienced something a lot worse, but I am truly affected by something this 'small,' this 'simple,' this 'unimportant incident' in the context of our entire lives. I also heard, for the first time in my life, a gunshot. An actual gunshot, and it wasn't at all the BIG bang I expected..just a small bang. To think it inflicts such damage, to think it inflicts death. I am glad I experienced this tonight.

This has been a really really tough semester for me. I have 20 credit hours, which for a lot of college students is worth fainting over. Plus, I'm teaching a lab/lecture biology course, and even though its tough, my students have most definitely made it worth while. I squeeze research in here and there, and then there's the biggest doozie of them all...my med school applications. *uf* So much stuff to do..constantly. On top of that, I feel bad, but kind of enlightened, that I'm distanced from a lot of my friends right now. Amanda is far away, so its just a distance barrier. But I fought with my friend Steve, and am currently in the process of doing the same with Sandhya. Its true, sometimes I hate life. And life encompasses such conflicts. But I need to grow up. I need to realize that friends are friends, and the truth of the matter is, someday we will all move along. It is simply a truth I have to face. If I don't, I will perish in foolishness of not recognizing reality.

On my way back home, I took Howard, and the deer was gone. I think there was some blood on the road. But the greatest lesson I've learned is that of moving on. That's all you've got to do...move along. But it still saddens me.

Tis natural. :)