cheers

hey hey PUNKS!

So a LOT of stuff has happened lately that has just purely warranted me moping about wondering what my purpose in life really is. My grandma passed away recently, and she was honestly, the ONE person that loved me UNCONDITIONALLY. Like..nobody on planet earth could have loved me more. It still hasn't hit me yet..I just mostly remember her voice and her running after me when i was a baby trying to get me to eat food (which at the time was the BANE of my existance, but is quite the opposite now *haha*). Whenever people leave me, I just feel like it's evil to not let them go, and to make them hold on just for our sick pleasure of their wonderful company. I feel like when you let them go, they are truly at peace, and they are truly free. And I've realized most importantly, that they live on forever in my memory, so for however "forever" I am alive, so are those who leave us.

And I'm sort of jealous, because "death is the road to awe."

I want to be awed sometimes. Don't get me wrong..but if you've read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, you'll understand when I say I want to see the Universe in its full glory when I die. That's kind of all I live for! After all, I am a part of this Universe, so whatever little part of me I understand, so will I to that of the Universe at large. All these "sad" events have brought so much more meaning to my life. That yes, death is scary when it happens. Simply because you're not human anymore. No matter what you believe in, reincarnation, salvation, resurrection in different forms, total oblivious-ness, transportation to heaven or hell, whatever..ultimately, death brings about the ending of human existence. And believe you me, that's one HELL of a scary thought. To not EXIST, ironically, is a scary thought. I say ironically because I constantly worry about why things even exist, but I only realize the importance of their existence once they are no more. To exist is to be, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually a manifestation of this Universe. Although I really believe death is equally so, it's hard to comprehend losing the physical aspect of that manifestation. It's hard to imagine not ACTUALLY BEING anymore, not actually breathing, eating, sleeping, and feeling our emotions as a part of a living entity. Maybe it's hard to also accept that once that physical part is gone, that there will be nobody who will be able to "see" the other parts of being. It's so scary to accept being free of the human body.

So here's to my life. Here's to my existence. *raises imaginary drink* Here's to understanding my Universe. And here's to my wonderful, loving grandma, who will live with me forever. Forever.

I JUST read this too: "I am nothing more than a single narrow gasping lung, floating over the mists and summits." -Peter Habeler, 1978

ATP

I love you. :)

*chuckles* ..nerdiness O.o

source: http://xkcd.com/archive/

These are such a welcome break from cramming! :)

*bzzzzz* *SPLOTCH!!!*

*SQUIRSH SQUIRSH SQUIRSH* *EEEEEECCCCCHHHHHHHHH*

That's what it sounded like..and lOOked like! *aa* I was driving down Howard, lost in Shruti thoughts, and this HUGE green bug just went to heaven right on my windshield. Like I literally saw it flying in happily, and the next moment all it's happy thoughts were splayed out as guts and poop that it ..pooped out b/c it was nervous it was going to die or something! *haha* I know..ew. But it's remains are displayed on my car, for all other insect dudes to pay homage and never come in front of a Shruti-driving-car-in-deep-thought moment. And then after that I didn't even look at the road b/c I was staring at its gooey yellow-green lifelessness a mile long in every direction SHOCKED that I'd just taken an innocent life.

OH! The consequences of being human! *flails* I sort of secretly feel like that bug is me though sometimes..I'm the happy widdle bug, and the MCAT just comes and HITS me..and I go *SPLOTCH*. And then the MCAT goes..*EEEECCCCHHHH* *haha*

Anywho, I apologize to the spirit of this bug that I so viciously mutilated. It was a very dramatic moment in my life actually..like I ACTUALLY SAW it ALIVE one nanosecond, and then within the next picosecond it was torn apart like a dying star! I even might have caught it's head flying off all confused at where the rest of the body had ended up (in a million pieces on the windshield wondering where the head was off to).

Ok I'll shut up about this dying moment now. *heh* It was just about the most exciting moment I've come to experience of late.

*puzzled*

*woops* i lied.. *shifty eyes*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY-O!!!! or wait..PETU!!!! *AHAHA*

I love you dad! You RULE planet earth, along with just about the entire Universe! :D

:*

p.s. it's OFFICIALLY 12:27a.m. of AUGUST 4!!! *yells @ blogger timing*

*disapparates*

hola.

My MCAT is only weeks away, so peoples..here goes. No more blogger, Facebook, or chat until it's done and over with. (I know I know, that one ended w/ a preposition..fortunately it will NOT be tested on the MCAT so I'm in the clear)

Anywho, thanks for all your support. Call me if and only if it's an emergency. Other than that, pray for me.

*loads of amor and extra STP* :*

10 rules for being human

Rule One:
You will receive a body. You may love it or hate it, but it will be yours for the duration of your life on Earth.

Rule Two:
You will be presented with lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called 'life.' Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or hate them, but you have designed them as part of your curriculum.

Rule Three:
There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of experimentation, a series of trials, errors, and occasional victories. The failed experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that work.

Rule Four:
A lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons will be repeated to you in various forms until you have learned them. When you have learned them, you can then go on to the next lesson.

Rule Five:
Learning does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

Rule Six:
'There' is no better than 'here'. When your 'there' has become a 'here,' you will simply obtain a 'there' that will look better to you than your present 'here'.

Rule Seven:
Others are only mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

Rule Eight:
What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you.

Rule Nine:
Your answers lie inside of you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

Rule Ten:
You will forget all of this at birth. You can remember it if you want by unravelling the double helix of inner knowing.

-Cherie Carter-Scott, from "If Life is a Game, These are the Rules"

o mi ginness!

Surprise present left on my car by some totally bored turd oncampus:



I was cracking up when I saw it! *haha* I probably drove around with it stuck on the passenger door for a good bit..*wooops* O_O

*gasp*

Me: *happily filling IV carts*
Nurse: "Hi, did you fill the IV carts by the nurse's station?"
Me: *horrified* "Yy..eee..ssss" *trembles*
Nurse: "WOW! You did SUCH a good job! It's so perfect I don't want to take anything out of it!"
Me: *after slightly peeing pants* "O, thaaank you?"

:)

*break*

ay! Fellows of this Universe (that I'm aware of *shifty eyes*)

Just a small quote: :)

My view as a molecular biologist is that our own bodies are machines composed of molecules and the computer on my desk is a machine composed of molecules, and the only difference is which one has woken up. - Joan MacLeod (science fiction writer, Nature)

keep things whole

In a field
I am the absence
of field.
This is
always the case.
Wherever I am
I am what is missing.

When I walk
I part the air
and always
the air moves in
to fill the spaces
where my body's been.

We all have reasons
for moving
I move
to keep things whole.

-Mark Strand

an animated WAR :)

stick figure to you: CLICK ME!


Animator vs. Animation by *alanbecker on deviantART

How cool is this?!! I freakin LOVE flash, and I TRY to animate stuff, but this is just beyond awesome! I wish I could do this. *pouts*

light please!

Upon discovering that my o so beauteous macbook HAS NO KEYBOARD BACKLIGHT!!!!!....I went on a 'my life is darkness' rampage w/ Emil:

Me: it's ALL BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF KEYBOARD BACKLIGHTS!
-WHY O WHY!!!!!
-*flails* & *dies*
-i should do what derk suggests...start selling crack...that's AFTER i stop eating/smoking/whatever people do with it that i'm supposedly doing with it
-now EVERYTHING ties in
-now there's a reason for it ALL...there is no light in my life

Emil: you know what
-there's always a tomorrow

Me: i know, maybe if i keep myself and my laptop outside when the sun rises it can you know..capture some of that solar energy and thereby give my life some meaning...WAITTT..that'd require solar panels, which would require BILLIONS of dollars, which NOBODY has b/c it's all spent and gone in the Iraq war...so basically, i'm lightless...AGAIN
*sobs even more passionately*

O..THE GOOD TIMES! :D *haha*

Life's been great! Seriously, tons of light has been shone here (thankfully)! I'm doing things I love, one of which involves intense MCAT studying, ER-ing, and just chillin' w/ my fellow villians. :)

motivated

(listening al) *we're going to win this* - Bloc Party

I LOVE that band! *swoons*

*ahem* I'm finally motivated, to do things in life. All kinds of things. I went to my poster presentation in Indianapolis, and I met the Director of the Drug Screening division at Promega! *gasps* That was so cool!!! :) He LOVED that just about EVERY inhibitor I used was from his company! *haha* Ofcourse, there were some very interesting questions that were raised about my project and data, and what can be done further. I made some great friends too...all in just an hour and a half! :D (that's me for ya')

All in all, I came to realize how stupid I've been. I used to be self-motivated, and something came along and distracted me. All of a sudden, I see it again. It's like an open road. Before, I saw an ocean, a never-ending mass of water before me. Now I see the white bridge I was standing on extend over the ocean. I don't know where it goes, but it's continuing dang it! It's my rainbow. You may say it's stupid to follow a rainbow, but that's like saying it's stupid to follow your dreams.

*whispers* Follow your dreams!

*giggles*

*looks out window* DUDES! Our road's finally being resurfaced, and OMG..it looks like a freakin' ARMY OF TRANSFORMERS outside our house right now! You know...when there's about 5,669,782,319,400,371 HUMONGOUS heavy duty trucks sucking up asphalt and spitting it out like wrathful ooze when there's barely enough space on our street to hold two mid-sized sedans? The first time I saw them, it reminded me of War of the Worlds. *eek*

RUN PEOPLE!!! RUUUN FOORR YOUURR LIIIVEEESSSSSSS!!!!!

*ends rant*

I bought a laptop! It's bootiful! :D *swoons* EDIT: My desktop! :D :D :D ..the bkgd. is from the Transformers movie..perfectly in sync w/ the happenings on my street.



Um, nothing else is new. I'm going to Indianapolis this Sundee for an international conference at Eli Lilly, and I get to present my data from lab on a poster! :) I'm super excited!!! It looks really pretty too! *thanks macbook*

*official british accent voice* I'd also like to take this wonderful opportunity to give a shout out to Jean, Sandhya, and Steve. Thank you SO MUCH for EVERYTHING! I love you guys!!!!!

And ofcourse, to my parents for their insurmountable patience with me this entire time. Gosh knows how many dishes I didn't do these past few months. :D

*AMORES y BESOS* :*

i *heart* okra!

Mom made the most AWESOMEST okra ever! *mmm*


Somewhere in our conversation:
Me: "Mom, I'm not THAT evil."
Mom: "Evil?! Honey, you're the product of two evils!"
Me: *stares*

Hark!

O holy crayola! Yesterday, I parked my car in front of Kanley Chapel, grabbed my checks, and started towards National City Bank at the Bernhard Center. In front of me walked two dudes in suits, shirt, pants, tie, and allll that jazz. And they turned around and asked me if they could speak with me about religion. At first I was flattered, and I started ranting about how I was raised a Hindu, but went to Catholic school, and am currently a scientist (at heart)...and they were from the Church of Latter Day Saints, Mormons I think they said.

So, they asked me a bunch of questions, one of which was would you like to "pray and meet with us and hear the voice of God?"..aka.."wanna join our club?"

Me: *stares cheekily* So, what do you think God looks like? Is he a human, and an old one with a big hairy white beard that's 40 bajillion miles long? (I didn't say 40 bajillion, sorry)
Them: *huh* That's a good question. But we think that it is something spiritual manifested as a human.
Me: So what about bacteria, and viruses...do they have a God? And if an elephant saw God, would it be human?
Them: Do you think animals have the capacity to think of God?
Me: Do we know? WE DON'T KNOW DO WE?! How can you say you're right by discounting about 90% of life on earth?! I am a scientist and even I can't discount that we even remotely understand other species on earth and their cognitive abilities! If an elephant did believe in God, do you think it'd be like 'O Human God, I boww dooownn before thee!' HOW DO YOU KNOW?!
Them: *silence*
Me: I believe anything and everything is God, including myself. I believe in cosmic energy.
Them: *wow* *gasps* That's a great way to put it!
Me: *FOR SERIOUSLY?!* Where do you think God is?
Them: He's all around, but there's parts that are (i think they meant) "concentrated"
Me: Then how can he be all around?
Them: But if you pray with us God will show you the truth from what is wrong.
Me: Isn't what's wrong also wrongfully true? Meaning, isn't "wrong" also true that it's wrong..so essentially, there is no "right" or "wrong" or "good" and "evil"..just choice of which truth is followed?
Them: *confused looks*
Me: And what about evolution and creation?
Them: We believe that they're both possible..that God gave humans the option of selecting either. So Adam and Eve were made in God's image, and that's what we believe.
Me: *what the frick?!* How can TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS happen at the SAME TIME?!!!
Them: *chuckle & stare @ themselves*

Me: *Yea, you need to think about your shit before you try to convince someone else*

For you: I deeply respect all religions and faiths, and I respect what these two young men had to say to me. It was a great debate! But one should have complete understanding about all the faiths of this world to preach it...one should respect freedom of choice, and respect other cultures and beliefs. I'm not saying I know everything...I KNOW NOTHING. But I know that nobody will ever fully understand how our world functions, how humans function, without seeking to understand other beliefs. It solidifies certain common grounds within ALL religions..one of which is essentially Morality, wherein lie concepts of do unto others as you would to yourself, etc. Without true understanding and respect for different beliefs, one can never TRULY believe in God.

So..it takes a while for Pluto's reply to reach us...

But here tis!




Me: *agrees*

:*

*confusions*

So! My GPA dropped bunches this semester! *WOOOPS* *watches it in never-ending pit of GPA hell*

BUT..I'm going to be volunteering in the ER at Bronson!!!!!! *EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE* *fuh-reaks OUT*

AND...I graduated..with three majors...in 4 years. *shifty nerdy eyes*

*loving abrupt end*