This past week while I was studying for my ID exam I noticed a big daddy longlegs on my windowsill, and he/she was trying to climb up and down the wood panel in front of the window. I watched it in wonder - the shaky thin legs, the intent and motivation to get up there, the sheer existence of such an elegant, beautiful creature that most likely feared me more that I did it. Before all of this I had noticed it over days - flitting up and down on my loft walls, and I would watch it and think "let it live."
To think I had that sort of power in my hand - how dare I make such an assumption? Who am I to let a bug live or die? Why I thought of myself as morally superior for "letting it live" brings me to understand how ignorant I am of the things I understand about life.
Just now, I see it near the panel of wood on the cement base of my windowsill - dead. Its beautiful legs are still just as elegant when not moving. To think I could even remotely influence its survival is beyond me. Arrogance and ignorance - a daddy longlegs taught me to be humble today. I hope I'll remember tomorrow.
1. Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize! Holy whoas! I completely understand that "whilst" he really hasn't done anything "concrete" I commend the Nobel Peace Prize committee for not overlooking his vision and upholding the tremendous shift in "hope" that he has raised in a very very short time! It takes a great personality to do that. Although at the same time, I think maybe, just MAYBE other candidates might have deserved it more. Just because the committee supports his vision or cause doesn't mean they overlook the qualifications of others. Is that favoritism? But aren't all awards favoritism? Hah! Look who's talking.
2. NASA bombed the moon. "If the true intent of the LCROSS mission moon bombing is a hostile act by NASA against known extraterrestrial civilizations and settlements on the moon, then NASA and by extension the U.S. government are guilty of aggressive war which is the most serious of war crimes under the U.N. Charter and the Geneva Conventions, to which the U.S. is subject. The U.N. Outer Space Treaty, which the U.S. has ratified, requires that “ The moon and other celestial bodies shall be used by all States Parties to the Treaty exclusively for peaceful purposes. The establishment of military bases, installations and fortifications, the testing of any type of weapons and the conduct of military manoeuvres on celestial bodies shall be forbidden.” 98 nations have ratified and 125 nations have signed the U.N. Outer Space Treaty." Source: HILARIOUS.
3. A few goats fainted upon reading the above statement.
4. This is the page I'm staring at right now, and it's cracking me up. To continue the thought on the next page "The other pathogenic kidnea bean is Neisseria gonorrhoeae, who is a pervert (notice how he is displaying the latest center-fold pin-up.) He enjoys hanging out on sexual organs and swimming in "sexual fluids." He causes the STD gonorrhea." ~Clinical Microbiology made Ridiculously Simple
5. derk: classes were 6-9pm inside the old chem building
me: when you got to learn you got to learn!
derk: it was horrible, lol
me: i spent 4 years in that building!
i'lll probably die from MacCrackenosis
derk: that building sucks derk: probablly derk: ill diagnose your death
6. Sadie gave me highlighters! Life is GOOOD when you have highlighters! :P
7. Bioethics conference this weekend in Traverse City. THEN ID EXAM ON MONDAY! *goat faint*
I woke up with the power out,
nothing something to shout about.
Ice has covered up my parents hands
don't have any dreams don't have any plans.
I went out into the night,
I went out to find some light.
Kids are swingin' from the power lines,
nobody's home, so nobody minds.
I woke up on the darkest night,
neighbors all were shoutin' that they found the light.
(We found the light)
Shadows jumpin' all over the walls
some of them big, some of them small.
I went out into the night.
I went out to pick a fight with anyone.
Light a candle for the kids,
Jesus Christ don't keep it hid!
Woohoo! Woohoo! Woohoo!
Ice has covered up my parents hands
don't have any dreams, don't have any plans.
Growin' up in some strange storm,
nobody's cold, nobody's warm.
I went out into the night,
I went out to find some light.
Kids are dyin' out in the snow,
look at them go, look at them go!
Woohoo!(3x) WOO! Woohoo!(3x)
And the power's out in the heart of man,
take it from your heart put in your hand.(hand)
What's the plan? What's the plan?
Is it a dream? Is it a lie?
I think I'll let you decide.
Just light a candle for the kids,
Jesus Christ don't keep it hid!
Cause nothin's hid, from us kids!
You ain't foolin' nobody with the lights out!
Woohoo!(2x)
And the power's out in the heart of man,
take it from your heart put in your hand.
And there's something wrong in the heart of man,
Take it from your heart and put it in your hand!
(hand!)(the lights out!)(hand!)(right now!)(hand!)
"There once was a sage who lived in a lonely temple high in the mountains. He was visited one day by a wandering monk. As the two were talking a wild animal roared close by, and the visiting monk, supposedly Enlightened, jumped. "I see it is still with you," said the sage...referring, of course, to the instinctive "passion" of fright. Shortly afterwards, while he was unobserved for a moment, the visiting monk inscribed the Chinese character for the Buddha on the rock the sage was accustomed to sit. When the sage returned to sit down he saw the sacred Name and hesitated to sit. "I see," said the wandering monk, "it is still with you!" ~ (Attributed to one of 1700 Ch'an and Buddhism related kung-ans of the Ching-tech'uan teng-lu compiled during the Ching-te Era. The oldest and most influential of the "Transmission of the Lamp" (teng-lu) texts. Compiled by Tao-yuan of the line of Fa-yen Wen I (885-958).)
"My true self was never born, never ages and never dies. Yet to say that I will live for eternity is not true either, as it is utterly beyond time. Perhaps the closest thing would be to say that there is just this utterly unchanging moment, yet this also fails to hit the mark as it could imply that it is static which it is not. It is beyond static and moving. Thus before the world was, I AM. Not before the world, I was, but before the world, I AM." ~Anonymous
A few artists elicit wonder in me, Al Magnus is one of them. One question: If all clouds had a rope attached to them, what would you do?
The usual 8am tomorrow! yay! Maybe I can steal a piece of the sun and store it for winter. For now, the stars are waiting. :)
Me: "Sadie, ECG and EKG are the same thing right?" Sadie: "Yup" Dr. Jeff: "What's an ECG stand for?" Me: Electrocardiogram Dr. Jeff: "EEG?" Me: Electroencephalogram, for brain activity. Dr. Jeff: "EGG?" Me: Electrogastrointestinogram? Dr. Jeff: "Egg!!!"
Conclusion: Take advantage of gullible med students.
Today's muse: Wake Up by Arcade Fire
Somethin' filled up
my heart with nothin',
someone told me not to cry.
But now that I'm older,
my heart's colder,
and I can see that it's a lie.
Children wake up,
hold your mistake up,
before they turn the summer into dust.
If the children don't grow up,
our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We're just a million little gods causin' rain storms turnin' every good thing to
rust.
I guess we'll just have to adjust.
With my lightnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am goin' to be
when the reaper he reaches and touches my hand.
With my lightnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am goin’
With my lightnin' bolts a glowin'
I can see where I am, go-go, where I am
My first day in the hospital as a medical student presenting and making a real clinical diagnosis! AND I had a patient in respiratory isolation with swine flu! :) You might think "Only med students would be excited about swine flu..." but there are some virologists out there....
A brief note on procrastination... amanda: just remember: A focused mind is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. me: really? what drug told u that?
EDIT: This was designed my my fellow med student Austin Kerndt!!! OMG! I didn't even know! He came up to me and told me! And if you look carefully you can sort of kind of see his name on the top right corner! Also, he's in the picture with the *TUBA* on the right. Brilliant!!!!!! :)
“The moment their arms spun freely in the air they were doomed for man has earned his right to hold this planet against all comers, by virtue of occasionally producing someone totally batshit insane.”
The day before my first ER shadowing experience as a part of EMIG (Emergency Medicine Interest Group) I went to ask my friend Meena, who had already had a couple experiences, what it was like. She honestly looked a little rattled. It had been the first time anybody in the EMIG had been asked to perform chest compressions, and the patient had passed away.
*speechless*
My visit that night was relatively uneventful. But my second visit, not so much so.
It started out quite calmly - the usual patient history, chief comlaint, labs, discussion with a million people on what it could be or how to treat it, staring at radiology images and frantically speaking with radiologists about masses and unexpected perfusions. We even had a young patient who was horrified by the prospect of her first visit to the ER so much so that she had severe tachycardia (elevated heart rate). I was also sent into a patients room all alone to determine a diagnosis all by myself, and I succeeded...it was jaundice. *hah* Not easy to miss. But my resident was proud of me. :) Not long after, the docs, residents, and I sat joking about an exam the residents had earlier that day.
My resident was supposed to switch shifts. I "handed myself over" to the next resident who would guide me with infallible efficiency throughout my last case of the night. A patient was wheeled in with chest pain (I can't share more details). I just stood in a corner watching information transferring from the EMT's to the attending physician. He was alert, and able to speak, except I noticed his head was very VERY pale. All of a sudden he lost consciousness. That did it for me.
I still remember saying to myself "OH my god! He's going to die! I'm not ready for this! Oh my god what if he dies right in front of me?! I've never seen ANYONE die before! He's dying!" I also still remember my body saying to itself "You need to leave this room, and go outside and sit down. You're light headed and the last thing the emergency team needs is a fainted first year medical student beside a dying patient. Hold onto the bench! Hold on to the bench! And don't lock your knees!"
Within the 5 minutes of flurry to regain balance, the patient had been stabilized, and surprisingly so did my mind..... for about ten minutes, after which CPR was begun. And I was called to do it. And I did. At 120 I got dizzy. He was a big man, and I was a little girl, watching the ECG reading blip up and down with each pump of his chest. There was nothing apart from that. Within 30 minutes of when his chest pain began, he had passed away.
I cried. I cried because I didn't feel anything. If anything, I felt inhuman. Was it the lack of personal contact? That it happened so fast? I will never know.
This is probably going to be popular ALL OVER! But there are better songs! OH THE BETTER SONGS!!! :D
The People Tree:
Z-TRIP: From the drop of blood, to bones and body parts To vital organs, forming your brain and tiny heart You'll feed to escape the birth until puberty finally starts Adolescence, so don't, then your elderly body rocks It was divine decree that begun the plan But this disease be decreed by the sons of man Don't try to leave with the guns in hand Understand: God's the one in command
DAVID BYRNE (CHALI 2NA): Did we climb out of the sea? Where did we come from, you and me? Two legs to walk, and as you see I'm not a man I want to be People growing, my backyard (I'm growing in my backyard) In my garden, in my heart (I'm in your garden, I'm in your heart) Pink and purple, red and blue (See all the colors?) On this sunny afternoon (It's a sunny afternoon)
CHALI 2NA: Back before time was time and space was space The ever-present eye divine so laced with grace Decided it was time to try to chase, to chase But what it would design, now life is taking place Within itself, divided; now it takes some space And it can't be found alive, the mind creates the state Of ego, now what's mine is mine OK, now hate will reign until the blind have eyes and lay awake in wait
DAVID BYRNE (Z-TRIP): How are the seeds in the ground? How is my garden growing now? A tender kiss, a little smile The way a mother holds its child Tasty little human beings (Tasty little human beings) I grow them on the people tree (I grow them on the people tree) I will eat them one by one (Eat them one by one) If there's enough for everyone (Like you and you)
GIFT OF GAB [CHALI 2NA] (Z-TRIP): Born in the ever-flowing life beyond the dirt Tell me what the purpose is for creating the earth (Maybe we created the planet as man's habitat Be fruitful and multiply across the planet's back) [Well, why does hate exist? The war and AIDS and shit? If we're to be fruitful, why can't poor people pay they rent?] ('Cause love and hate, both sides are conjoined Physical forms have to deal with both sides of the coin) [Why do we die?] (So you can live!) [Why do we strive?] (So you can win! But why did you defy every truthful word I recommend?) My question back, why do you recommend an ode temptationing (So I can test your patience and tolerance in the face of sin) But why attest when you hold all the answers to the state we in? (For you to bear witness of imperfections of mortal men) [So it's a lesson?] (And a blessing Journey back to where you been 'Cause before the treatment flurry seeds must first be planted in)
DAVID BYRNE (CHALI 2NA): People growing, my backyard (I'm growing in my backyard) In my garden, in my heart (I'm in your garden, I'm in your heart) If you like my garden, you might like me (Look at all the colors!) Underneath the people tree
I showed this image to my roommate, and this is what he had to say about it:
"It's like a hostage situation at a bank!" ~Mikey
Damn, that egg's effed.
Apart from that, school is kicking my butt. We have 6 exams in the next two weeks. *flail*
It's coo' tho. Whatev.
Apart from THAT...um, I sort of sat in at a seminar during one of my studying "breaks." *oops* It was a lecture on miRNA's by a professor from Stanford Medical School (Dr. Chen). I was fascinated by what he presented about how miRNA's are pretty much more important than a lot of other factors such as gene expression in regulating protein expression. I dunno how much you understand about all of this, but essentially miRNA's are capable of blocking the translation of proteins with the help of a RISC complex, pretty much RIGHT AS a protein could potentially be synthesized. It seems to me, and to Dr. Chen, and other prominent scientists *haha* that if gene expression of a protein is constant resulting in a constant/stable level of mRNA production, inhibition of translation by miRNA's has much greater potential of controlling the final protein output than anything else. In fact, increased miRNA levels have been shown to significantly block important phosphatases involved in the control of T cell receptor signaling in response to an antigen. Thereby, blockage of protein phosphorylation in the signaling cascade leads to gene expression for T cell proliferation and differentiation....to such an extent that numerous tumors have been shown to be induced in the presence of increased miRNA levels! *holy effs!* There was a lot more to be said about miRNA's, much of what I'm too lazy to decipher from the 5 pages of notes I took. But here's an animation I found that might be helpful to visualize what miRNA's do.
Anywho, I think I'm going to make attending such random seminar's "my thing." It utterly ROCKED my world! :D
QOD: "Just as we passed that other lamp I was going to tell you a further thing, Jack, but now I am parenthetically continuing with a new thought and by the time we reach the next I'll return to the original subject, agreed?" I certainly agreed - Kerouac, On the Road
When I saw the Milky Way, it looked exactly the same! *swoon*
And OOO! I found a beautiful poem! It's written by a governing member of the Adler Planetarium in Chicaga. I couldn't help but notice its relevance to the quote "We are a way for the Universe to know itself." More importantly, I couldn't help but notice the awe I felt as I read it, because it exactly sums up how I feel every time I look at the stars, or dream of them, or fly around in my purple spacejet surrounded by them. What can I say? I live vicariously through outer space. *oops* Not to mention, if I could think of a favorite mythical being (I know I love dragons by the Ananda Proxy), it would be the Phoenix. Alas, I'll save that discussion for another day, when I don't have an exam.
So relax, look up at the stars in your mind (because I know it's bitter cold outside), and enjoy. :)
Stargazer
Beneath the first of three stars in a row, where lie the remnants of giants long dead, I caught the light of a nebulous glow-- A glow that gave rise to an equine head. So grand it seems that from this cosmic pair of stellar nursery and stellar grave, worlds will emerge, lit by a new star’s glare-- Phoenixes reborn from the lives they gave. I pondered this cloud with great persistence and found a glimmer of an answer long sought to the question of our own existence. By travel-weary photons I’ve been taught that the cosmos created eyes in me so it can gaze and have itself to see.
I am a medical student in pursuit of the cosmic sound of truth. I am originally from India, but have travelled all my life and have learned to respect and admire various cultures of the world. My family is my core, and my friends my existance.
